Destruction in a Jar
by LetsSingtheDoomSong
Summary: Ok, so I was bored & decided to create a story inserting me & my friends into Final Fantasy VII. Also, I would like to announce that *owmyhearteries on Deviantart is my goddess now! She's amazing!
1. Attack of the Chairs

LetsSingtheDoomSong: HI! I'm Dymond, but my friends call me Zack... or Axel. Depending if you like FFVII AC or Kingdom Hearts. That doesn't matter. Ok, so my boredom has reached an all time high & I'm writing this FFVII story, placing my friends who have adapted the names of everyone there. I'm Zack Fair, obviously. My good friend yaoilovinXkitsune is Yuffie. My friend Dani is Reno & so on & so forth. Anyways, I'm inserting my friends into here!

Reno: WOO! I get to blow shit up!  
LetsSingtheDoomSong: Yes you do Reno. Me, you & Dani get to blow shit up! Oh, I brought Zack & Aerith back to life with my magic writing powers, so no flames. The fire department deal with flames, not me. ^-^

Especially no flames from YOU, The Ninth Layer!

Pairings= OCReno OCZack ElenaTseng OCCloud OCVincent OCRufus OCYazoo (Yes, even the gay throwaway villan gets a little action)

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Tifa took a deep breath, watching her friends in her bar either bicker or have a decent conversation. Dymond, Dani, Reno, & Zack were having an arguement over who could make the biggest explosion. Vincent was off somewhere with Jess. Rufus (why he is there, I don't know) was talking with Beth. Cloud was on a delivery with Jazzy. Cid was all by his lonesome self in the corner, drinking his liter of beer muttering to himself about the malfunctions his ship was causing. Rude sat at her bar, still silent as usual. Yuffie & Maggie were having a staring contest, both of their eyes watering Niagra Falls. Aerith & Desi were talking about Edward Cullen... *sweatdrop* Elena & Tseng had vanished up to one of 7th Heaven's many rooms... don't ask what they are doing...

Reno looked at the staircase & yelled up at the couple (Yes, Elena & Tseng are FINALLY together ^-^), "Tseng! Laying in bed & screaming 'Oh God' does not count as being religious!"

"Go fuck yourself, Reno!" Elena screamed, lust obviously strained in her voice.

"Ouch," Dymond commented, smirking with an eyebrow raised.

"Shut it, shorty..."  
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?!"

Reno proceeded to run for the hills as Dymond went on a rampage after him. Dani was laying on the floor laughing her ass off. Tifa just sighed as another table was broken to toothpicks & another chair is used to attempt to beat the red-head senseless. Rude shook his head at his partner running from the sadistic chick. "You'd think Reno would learn after the 26th time he's called her that," Yuffie stated, finally blinking.

"YES! I WON!" Maggie cheered, jumping out of her seat, causing the poor piece of wood to fall backwards to the floor.

Again, Tifa let out a sigh. Her poor furniture wouldn't last long with her friends around. The abused wood chairs have already had the need of fixing since Reno called Dymond 'Short' or something similar, causing the chairs to become instant weapons & flying projectiles. The tables would always end up being split in half from the short-fused girl to smash Reno's back into them or shattered outside when she attempts to throw them. They usually hit their mark, but still, Tifa is never happy in the end. "Hey, Tifa? How much longer do you think the furniture have left before you have to buy new ones?" Beth asked, a hint of laughter in her tone.

"I don't know... Depends how fast it takes Reno to call her short again," The brunette answered, letting her head hit the counter.

The sound of splintering wood caught everyone's ears. Dymond had caught her target & proceeded to hit him with the chair. Tifa could almost hear the chair screaming at it was brought down on Reno's head, causing the Turk to see stars & a hippo that looked like his mother. Dymond pranced back in, feeling satisfied that she caught him again. Only once had Reno ever fully escaped to not see stars or get mild or full blown concussions. "Hey, Tifa? Can I have a vodka & grapefruit juice?" The strange girl asked.

Tifa just shook her head & went on to fixing up the drink. Maggie & Zack ran over & glomped the brunette... ok, pink & brunette girl to the ground. "That was awesome!" Maggie laughed, burying her face in Dymond's stomach.

Zack had his face in Dymond's neck, with a toothy grin on his handsome face. Dymond was blushing madly at the fact that Zack was this close to her. Tifa set the glass on the counter & looked over it at her friends. "You guys are nuts..." She stated, getting back on two feet again & going to serve Rude who had downed his 5th shot of Kessler (That shit warms you up in the winter!).

Rufus pulled away from his conversation of world domination with Beth & glanced at the 3 on the floor. He was going to say something when Beth stomped on his foot. The pain shot through his foot, up his leg & to his brain. He let out a loud yelp that caused the only Turks downstairs to spring to their feet & look for danger. "Ha ha! They're like obediant kicked puppies!" Jessi laughed

"POOFY EMO HAIR!" Maggie & Dymond cheered glomping Vincent.

He didn't have time to process that he had be jumped on until he hit the floor. Jessi jumped on his with the two walking disasters, knocking the wind out of the Emo King (:3). The low rumbling of an engine caught the girls' ears. Tifa was about to yell to Cloud to run for his life, but the 3 with the addition of Beth & Zack ran out the doors. "KYA!" Cloud's yelp was heard making Yuffie laugh hysterically.

Tifa jumped over the counter & ran to the blonde chocobo boy's rescue.

After a while, Jessi, Maggie, Dymond, Beth & Zack had icepacks & random bandages coating them. Yeah, Tifa & Jazzy did a number on them. Dymond huffed & laid her head on the cool counter in hopes that it would calm down the pain in from the lump on her forehead. Maggie was stealing the ice from Rude's drink & placing them on her swollen cheek. Jessi had her face on Vincent's gauntlet using it as an icepack. Zack had an actual icepack. Beth was else where with Rufus in hopes to settle the pain in her face & arms.


	2. Explosives for Dummies to Kadaj & gang!

Dymond: WOOT! Chapter 2! No flames. The fire department deals with flames, not me!

Reno: When do we get to blow something up?

Dymond: Soon, my friend. Soon.

Dani: Hurry it up!

Dymond: Don't rush my special skillz!  
Rufus: Special ED skillz.

Dymond: Shut it, prick in a wheelchair!

Tseng: Dymond does not own any Final Fantasy characters. If she did, there would be a lot more of people banging Reno... *shivers*

Desi: EDWARD CULLEN!!!!  
Dymond: *sigh* Desi, you're fantasizing about a 108 year old VIRGIN! I mean, to be honest, that's saying something if you haven't gotten laid for over 100 years. Incase you haven't figured out, I don't like the Twilight series, thanks to the random fangirls that go nuts over it. Edward Cullen is played by Robert Pattinson, who also played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. NO GIRL WANTED TO FUCK HIM THEN, WHY IS IT DIFFERENT NOW THAT HE PLAYED EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN?!!!!!! Thanks to the Twilight series, I have developed a hatred for vampire things. Anything to do with vampires, I have chose to avoid at all costs. I have developed a theory. The theory is, that if you listen REALLY closely, you can hear the sound of 10 million teenage girls moving to Washington & that boyfriends around the world are pissed off & plotting the demise of Stephanie Meyer because their girlfriends left them for a book. Seriously! What kind of vampire sparkles?! That's a total disgrace to the rest of the vampires that burst into flame when sun hits their skin! Plus, I always wonder if he's ever heard of a comb in the past 108 years. Remember, no flames since I hate Twilight. On with the story!

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All was silent. Nothing was going on in Seventh Heaven other then the sound of chirping birds & the slight clatter of dishes as Tifa washed them. She was starting to get suspiscious, because at 12 o' clock in the afternoon, usually something is broken by then. The silence would probably be welcomed if some of her friends weren't absolutely insane. Cloud came down the stairs & noticed the silence, too. "Tifa? Where is the violence that usually occurs here?" He asked, looking around, expecting Maggie, Dymond or Jazzy to come out & tackle him.

Thankfully, Rufus & his turks went back to the Healin Lodge (That includes Reno, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Beth, & Dani), so that's less destruction without Reno & Dani involved. "Where do you think they went? I haven't seen them all morn-"

-KABOOM!!!!!-

"What the hell was that?" Tifa asked, getting up from the floor.

Cloud's hand hit the counter top & he pulled himself back to his feet. "I'm guessing that would be our missing friends."

"DAMMIT MAGGIE! That was supposed to go off 30 seconds ago!" Dymond yelled.

"Well I am sorry! The fuse was a little longer then I thought!" Maggie argued, defending herself.

"Didn' you read the manual?!"  
"What manual?! 'Explosives for Dummies' is not a very good manual!"

"Should we go check the destruction?" Tifa sighed, resting her elbow on the counter & her head on her hand.

"No. I'd rather not get my arms blown off," Cloud answered, sitting on one of the many barstools.

Zack groggily walked down the stairs. "What was that huge explosion? Did Dymond get into my books again?" He asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Why are you so groggy?" Tifa asked, concerned of why the ex-SOLDIER was stumbling around like a drunk.

"I don't know. Ask Maggie."

He sat down next to Cloud & rested his head on the counter, using his arms as a pillow.

-KABOOM!!!!!!-

"Now that one, was perfect! And look! No injuries this time!" Dymond cheered.

Again, everyone in the bar was on the ground. "I think that one was bigger..." Tifa muttered, sitting up.

Time skip to 7:00 at night! XD

The Turks were back over. Dymond was staring long and hard at Tseng's dot on his forehead. Maggie was tugging on Reno's ponytail, just for the hell of it. Dani was watching Maggie with one eyebrow raised. Reno was refraining from killing the girl yanking on his ponytail. Tseng finally got tired of Dymond's staring, "Why are you staring at me?!"

"Why the hell do you have a dot on your forehead? You're wutain! Not freakin' Indonesian, or whatever strange religion has that funny dot on their forehead! (Dymond: I am not dissing anyone's religion. I just wanted to make fun of Tseng. If I spelt it wrong, I'm sorry) Does it light up? Are you like one of those GPS signals? You are here!"

"No! I-"  
"Oh! I know. It lights up & tells you that the coffee is done!"

"No!"

"Dymond, leave Tseng alone!" Elena growled, ready to strangle the girl.

"It's a gaydar light! So far, it hasn't started glowing, so everyone here is straight! ...wait, it must be broken... Obviously Rufus is gay, or else all of his guy Turks would be ugly!"

"DYMOND!"

"Shut up, Elena! I'm trying to figure out why Tseng has a dot on his forehead! You're nagging is interrupting my train of thought!"

"Will those two ever stop arguing?" Tifa asked Cloud & Jazzy.

"No idea," both of them answered.

Maggie was now currently braiding Reno's long ponytail, because she felt like it. Reno learned not to argue with this girl, because she may not be as homicidal as Dymond, but she still knows how to use a chair as a flying projectile. "Reno?" She finally said something.  
"Yes?"

Maggie shooed Dani away. The brunette went to the bar & sat next to Cloud to discuss his angsty emo personality. "Did you ask her out yet?" Maggie asked.

"Yes... maybe... perhaps... no..."

"Ask her, god dammit!" She gave a sharp tug on his ponytail.

"I'm sorta nervous..."  
"**The** Reno is nervous? Are you shitting me? Is this apocolypse or something? You're RENO, the man who could possibly get any girl he wants & yet he's afraid he won't get Dani? You're a mad man, you know that. A mad man," Maggie blabbered on & on.

"Fine! I'll ask her right now! How about that?"

"That's acceptable!" Maggie smiled ear to ear.

"Wish me luck...." Reno shook his head, standing up from her braiding.

His braid was complete so the crazy ADD girl didn't yank on it for him to hold still. He slowly made his way over to Dani, who seemed very into her explaination to Cloud about how angsty he was. Dymond walked over & stood next to Maggie. "What's up with Reno? He seems fidgety?" She asked.

"He's going to do it," she smiled.

"No way."  
"Yes way."

"GO-" Maggie slammed a hand over Dymond's mouth to shut her up from ruining his developed confidence.

They held on to each other in hopes this goes well. "Hey, Dani!" Reno smirked, being his normal self.

"Oh, hey Reno."

"Hey... um... listen. I was wondering, uh, if you wanted to... I don't know... go to a movie Saturday?" Reno asked, scratching the back of his head.

Dymond & Maggie started to bite their nails. "Well..." Biting each other's nails, "Alright."

"YES!" Both girls cheered, rushing upstairs to where Vincent was hiding from the noise downstairs.

Zack suddenly came crashing down the stairs again with Dymond on top of him. "ZACKY!!!!!!" She squeeled, hugging his torso.

Cloud's head hit the counter at his poor friend being tackled by the girl. The door of Seventh Heaven blew open & nailed Yuffie. Wrong place, wrong time, I guess. There in the doorway stood Kadaj, Yazoo & Loz. "GAY THROWAWAY VILLANS!" Dymond screeched throwing herself out the window.

"We're not gay!" Kadaj argued.

(Ok, people. Here, Kadaj & them are sorta nice. They're not out to get 'Mother' & plans to bring Sephy back. It's my story, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it! Plus the reason I want them to be nice is: Face it, Kadaj is hot! He may indulge in pedophilia, but he's still hot!)

Kadaj was about to argue more with Dymond when Maggie came running & glomped Yazoo. "HI YAZOO!"

"Hey, Maggie," Yazoo smiled.

"Ouuuuuuuuu! Am i sensing a little romance in the air?" Dymond asked, sitting on Kadaj like a couch.

She had came around & glomped the guy to the floor & sat on his back. Zack seemed a bit on edge about that... Vincent came around & grabbed the girl by the back of her armor straps, lifting her up. She dangled in the air at the height of Vincent. From her combat boots to the floor, it was at least a good 2 feet. Her SOLDIER uniform was getting crinkled up from Vincent's gaunlet hand.


	3. Visit with the Shrink!

Dymond: HIYA! I'm back with a new chappie! Ok, today in High School, me & Dani (aka Reno) were sitting in the library & us having absolutely no lives, came up with a Final Fantasy VII guys therapy session. Me & her figure that by the end of this story, me, Maggie & all of our friends will have driven the guys to utter insanity.

Zack: Aw, you wouldn't drive me insane. I'm one of those people that can tolerate it in Final Fantasy!

Disclaimer: She does not own any of the Final Fantasy characters-

Dymond: *smashes disclaimer's skull in with a shovel* Don't tell THEM that! Oh crap, I said that out loud didn't I?

Vincent: Yeah.

Rufus: No more spatulas... no more spatulas... no more spatulas...

Dymond: WTF?

Tifa: Beth has been threatening him to stop acting like a egotistic bastard or else she'll ass-rape him with a spatula.

Dymond: He thought that was a joke, right?

Maggie: *nods*

Dymond: Poor bastard...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(hehe, squigly..)

Therapist: Ok, we're going to start today's lesson with introducing ourselves. Reno, you start-

Rufus: Hey! I'm the most powerful man in the world. I should start.

Therapist: Fine... President Shinra, you can start.

Rufus: My name is Rufus Shinra. I'm 22-years-old with bleach blonde hair & steel gray eyes as Beth tells me. My father was an asshole & neglected me for most of my life. He controlled people with money, I control them with fear &-

Therapist: Thank you, Rufus, but we have to get on to the other patients.

Rufus: Fine! Remind me to get your pay docked.

Therapist: Um... ok? Reno, now you can introduce yourself.

Reno: Name's Reno. I'm a Turk working under Rufus & second in command of the Turks. I lived in the Slums before I came above the plate, yo.

Therapist: Very good, Zack, how about you go next.

Zack: Hi! I'm Zack Fair. An ex-SOLDIER. I lost my mentor, my life, & gave my memories & dreams to an angst ridden blonde who had a major case identidy crisis & thought he was me. Taking my life & walked around thinking he was me. I gave him my dreams & memories, but I did NOT tell him to bang my girlfriend!  
Therapist: O.O Uh... Ok, Vincent, you're next one.

Vincent: My life was destroyed by Hojo. He stole Lucrecia, injected his unborn son with Jenova Cells, murdered me, experimented on my dead body, treated his now born son as nothing more then a science experiment, murdered Proffeser Gast & drove Lucrecia to suicide.

Therapist: *wtf face* Um... Rude, you're the last one.

Rude: ...................................................................................................

Reno: *sniff* that's so sad...

Therapist: Um... he didn't say anything...

Reno: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! He just spilled his suffering life to you, yo, & how do respond?! Are you some racist bitch?!

Therapist: Uh...

Reno: You know what: Fuck you, yo! I don't care how hot you are, but you never put down my best buddy in the world!

Dymond: *Enters room holding a syring* Night night, Reno.

Reno: RENO DOESN'T WANT TO GO NIGHT NIGHT, YO!

Dymond: *sticks needle in Reno's neck*

Reno: *passes out*

Dymond: Sorry about that everyone & dear readers. Reno had a mental breakdown. Rude, I'm sorry about your cat: Squeakers. Hey Zack.

Zack: Hey, Dymond. See you in my room.

Dymond: *smirks*

Therapist: YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT NORMAL! *jumps out 6th story window*

Dymond: Wow, I thought we had problems. That chick needed counseling more then us, since she was suicidal.

Rufus: I'm leaving.

Rude: .....

Rufus: You're right. I guess we should help her get Reno home.

Dymond: I don't know why you guys went to a therapist. Notice, separate the 'e' & the 'r' & you get, 'The Rapist'. They rape your mind, dudes.


	4. Maggie's Temper & Drunk Dancing!

Dymond: Ok! Chappie 4! WOOT!  
Rufus: You're an idiot.

Dymond: Nope, I'm special!

Rufus: Special Ed.

Dymond: SHUT IT, WHEELCHAIR PRICK!

Rufus: Is that the best you can come up with?

Dymond: AUGH!  
Disclaimer: She does not own any of the Final Fantasy characters or her friends.

Dymond: Didn't I kill you with a shovel in the last chappie?

Disclaimer: That was my clone.

Dymond: Rerun! *Smashes Disclaimer's skull in with shovel*

Tifa ducked as another chair flew across the bar in attempt to hit the poor red head Reno. Maggie was the one pissed off though, so no tables... thank god. Dani was laughing her ass off as Reno scampered out the door in a desperate hope to escape the flying pieces of wood. Dymond was off somewhere with Zack on a date, so there was one less demon. Rufus stayed at the Healin Lodge trying to get rid of a headache from the therapist. Vincent & Jess were sitting at the bar, also moving so they could dodge the flying projectiles. "RENO! YOU'RE A BASTARD!"

"What did I do?!" The red head whimpered, opening the door slightly.

"YOU WERE BORN!"

"Good reason," Cloud sighed, leaning against the doorway.

Jazzy popped her head over Cloud's shoulder, examining the damage done in the bar. "Wow, Reno must have done something to get Maggie this pissed."  
"What fight did I miss?"  
Maggie turned & looked at Dymond & Zack now back in the bar. "DYMOND!!!!" She glomped the startled girl to the floor.

Reno poked his head out from behind Zack. "Is that why she was angry at me? Because Dymond wasn't here?"  
"YEP!" Maggie answered, cutting off air circulation in Dymond's air passages.

The brunette was now turning funny colors, as she tried to get air in her lungs, but no avail. "Maggie! Let Dymond !%& breath!" Cid yelled, downing another lager of beer.

Maggie opened her arms again & the suffocating girl hit the ground in a heap. Zack picked the poor girl up & ran toward her bedroom. Everyone took their eyes off the door slamming shut, back to Maggie, who seemed to have cooled down. "Uh... Maggie? Are you alright?" Desi asked, eyeing the girl cautiously, in case she snapped again.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Maggie stated, smiling happily.

Reno did that oh so famous anime fall at the girl's sudden calm form. Tifa didn't really care, since none of her furniture had to be abused anymore. Although the chairs Maggie did throw did end up in pieces, so there's another run to the store for new ones. Aerith simply giggled at the extreme mood swings the homocidal girl would go through.

Later that night, Dymond was better & her, Maggie, Yuffie, Genesis {not willing}, Zack, Jessi, Vincent, Cloud, Jazzy, Reno, Rufus, Beth, Dani, Aerith {although not very well} & Desi were doing the Caramelldansen. Tifa was struggling to hold in a laughing fit. Dymond, Maggie & Yuffie had tried to get Cid to join, but he said something along the lines of 'I'm not dancing no !#$&% dance!' Vincent & Cloud.... hehe, all it took was a little blackmail. Maggie made Genesis. Zack was willing though! (XD) Everyone else was willing, yes even Rufus, although Dymond believes that Beth had blackmail material, too. The average bar-goers got a good show that night as Caramelldansen blared in the speakers around the bar. Some actually left big tips at the bar & tables, making Tifa happy. Kadaj, Yazoo & Loz sat in a corner, Yazoo & Loz tempted to join them, just as much as Kadaj was. "Shall we join them, brother?" Yazoo asked in his monotone way.

"Why not, Yazoo," Kadaj answered, getting up.

"WOO! Kadaj & his gang are joining us!" Dymond & Maggie cheered, not stopping their dance.

Kadaj stood next to Maggie & Dymond while Loz & Yazoo stood on both sides of Yuffie. Tifa laughed at the sight of all of her friends dancing like idiots in the middle of her bar. "What am I going to do with them?" She asked Rude, who was sitting in front of her with Tseng & Elena on both sides of him.

"........"  
"You're right. That's all I can do."

"........"

"Yeah. To think, two of our idiots & the president & his girlfriend are in that group dancing," Elena sighed, watching Reno, Dani, Rufus & Beth.

"I'm just wondering what they might have done to get Cloud & Vincent to dance," Tifa sighed, placing another glass of whiskey down in front of Cid.

"........"  
"Oh."

"........"

"I'm not dragging Reno's drunk ass home again! No way! Dani can take him!" Elena proclaimed.

"........"

"True. That was funny though to find Reno head first in a dumpster. You can take him, Rude!"

"..........."

"Fine! No need to bite my head off! We'll just get Cloud to do it. I'll ask Maggie & Dymond for the blackmail material & make Cloud do it."

"............."

"I'm not cruel! I'm just resourceful!"

"............"  
"You're not helping here, Rude..."

The song finally ended after 2 minutes & 57 seconds. It was around 3 in the morning, so everyone went off to home & to bed. Everybody (Except Rude, Tseng, Elena, Aerith & Tifa) were wasted off their rockers, so this was going to be interesting. Tifa struggled to get Jazzy, Cloud, Zack & Dymond to their specific bedrooms & into bed. Desi went home with Aerith; Elena, Tseng, Rude, Reno, Dani, Rufus, & Beth went back to the Healin Lodge; Vincent went back to where ever he goes with Jessi in tow; Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo, Genesis & Maggie went to the Forgotten City; Cid went back home; Yuffie went back to her apartment. So, all in all, everyone hopefully made it home. Things they learned that night: 1. Tseng & Desi are such lightweights, it's not even funny. 2. Rufus is a happy/funny drunk. 3. Reno can fart Beethoven's 5th. 4. Dymond can outdrink Reno is shots of pure patrone {23 in all}. 5. Rufus can make alcohol that could possibly be used as rocket fuel.


	5. Cloud gets Vicodin

**Destruction in a Jar Chapter 5:**

Dymond: HIYA! We're back with another chapter of Destruction in a Jar! This was actually an idea I got in school from Jazzy. She's 'Cloud' & she had surgery on her leg & was drugged up on something so I said it was vicodin. So, I thought: What would happen if Cloud had to do the same thing?!

Reno: Can you just get on with the story, yo?

Dymond: Fine... party pooper...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(heh, squigley!)

Don't even ask how this happened. Cloud had to get surgery on his leg & was now drugged up on vicodin. Let's just say, Cloud got a little too close to one of Maggie's & Dymond's bombs & it went off &.... yeah...

It was Reno's turn to care for the druggy blonde chocobo head boy. He sat at the bar stool while Cloud sat right next to the bar stool on the floor. Cloud's leg was stretched out in front with a nice leg brace on it. They couldn't use any healing materia since all of it was used on the two walking disasters. Dymond, Maggie, Jessi, Dani & Jazzy kept a close eye on what the high blonde would do. "Reno...." Cloud muttered, his head bobbling around like a bobble-head.  
"What, yo?" Reno asked, downing another shot of pure patrone.

"Are your eyes always that pink?" He asked, looking up at the redhead.

"Uh... Cloud? My eyes are blue, yo."  
"No they're not! They're pink!"

The girls at one of the tables nearly died of laughter at the point. Cloud grabbed Reno's foot & messed around with the laces of his shoe. "What are you doing, yo?"

"You have 16 holes where the shoelaces go..." The blonde ex-SOLDIER informed.

"Uh... that's nice to know?"

"PRETTY BUTTERFLIES!" He suddenly yelled out, falling backward & slamming his head against the bar counter.

"Ou...." Jazzy cringed.

"Ah! Cloud! You doorknob!" Reno cried out, helping the blonde sit up again.

"He's a blonde, Reno. Of course he'd do something stupid," Dymond laughed.

Cloud suddenly shot up & bolted around the room, carrying a shoe. "CLOUD!" Reno shouted, hopping around on one foot that still had a shoe on.

The other one was missing & in the grasps of Strife's hands. Cloud stopped & sniffed the shoe, making a face at the smell. "It smells ucky!"  
"Nooooo! Really, yo? I thought it smelled like a basket of roses," Reno stated sarcastically, snatching the shoe from the druggy's hands.

Cloud stared teary eyed at the shoe. "What?" the Turk asked, watching the blonde for any sudden movements.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" the angsty blonde wailed out, his hands clentched & his head thrown back.

"AH! There's a banshee in the room!" Jessi squeeled, plugging her ears.

"A tortured banshee!" Maggie corrected.

Dymond stood up & smacked Cloud across his pale face, shutting him up instantly. "Are you done?" She growled, giving the ex-SOLDIER a death glare that would make puppies whimper.

Cloud looked up at the girl & commented, "Reno has nice hips..."

Reno choked on the UV he was drinking, sputtering up the liquor all over Tifa's bar. Dymond's eye twitched slightly & stated, "Well, I tried. Have fun, Reno!"

"What? Wait! Dymond! Don't leave me with him, yo!" Reno pleaded.

"Don't worry, Reno. I'll stay with you!" Dani informed.... well, sarcastically.

"Don't even play that with me, Dani..." Reno complained, placing the now empty glass on the counter.

"I want to see Kyoko!" Cloud suddenly shouted out.

Everyone: WTF? faces.

"Kyoko & Charden... Weeeeeeee...." the blonde gripped on to Reno's arm, rubbing his face against the Turk's uniform sleeve.

"Uh... Cloud? What the hell are you talking about?"  
"Ou! Ou! Ou! I know! I know! Come with me, Cloud!" Jazzy ordered, yanking the blonde away from his death grip that was cutting off blood circulation in Reno's arm.

"KYOKO & CHARDEN!!!!"

Dymond, Dani, Jessi & Maggie beside the redhead (who was still trying to feel his hand & fingers) staring at the couple. "Um... Do I even want to ask?" Maggie stated.

"Nope," Dani explained simply, shaking her head.

"Well. Um... Let's go blow something up!" Jessi suggested.

"ALRIGHT! Dymond, you go raid Zack's room again for 'Explosives for Dumbies' while me, Jessi & Dani hunt down supplies that won't affect Tifa's budget again!"  
"Ok! We don't want to get the shit beaten out of us again, right Mags?"

The ADD girl is silent for a moment, before shivering at the rememberance of the pounding both of them got from Tifa. The brunette even wore her black gloves, so Maggie & Dymond were lucky to not get any vital organs shot out of place. They did suffer some fractured & broken bones, bruises, whelts & concussions!

Rude walked in right as the three flung out the front door & into the streets of Midgar. There were multiple screams of horror & cries of mothers for them to 'stay away from their babies' or something along those lines. Rude shook his head at the 3 & walked up to his best friend & partner. "................."

"I think I'm done watching the drugged up chocobo," Reno explained.

"..............."  
"I don't know where he is!"

"....................."  
"Geez, don't chew me out, yo. Jazzy dragged him off somewhere. Does the names 'Kyoko' & 'Charden' strike any cords? Because that was what he was screaming before."

"..."  
"Oh."

"Rufus wants us? For what mission?"

"......................"  
"Is he trying to get us killed, yo?"

".................."  
"*Sigh* fine. But you're going to grab the book first. I'm not going to risk having another chair launched at my head, yo. I have already had 32 concussions, Rude!"

"............"

"I am not!"

"..........."

"Shut up..."

Dymond jumped down the flight of stairs in Seventh Heaven & ran out the door carrying a thick book titled: Explosives for Dummies. "Was that our book?"

"Oh.... I ain't getting it, yo."

After multiple punches & electrocutions were thrown, Reno & Rude were forced to retreat with the 4 pissed off women chasing after them, Dymond attempting to throw a chair at Reno. Where she got the chair: Don't ask. Maggie was wielding a very large stick, Jessi had a boulder & Dani had another EMR.

Mission: FAILED!

Dymond: Ok, that was a completely random ending. Oh well, this is a crack fic so I can do whatever the hell I want! WOOT!

| s|-||| sp34| L33t!!


	6. Random Ass Halloween Event!

Dymond: Konnichiwa! I'm back with another chappie of Destruction in a Jar! This is a random Halloween event!

Reno: Just get on with it!  
Dani: Yeah! I wanna see the Cloud dress-up you promised us!

Dymond: Fine! Fine! Calm down!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(I must obey the squigley man!)

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The two loud squeals woke up everyone in Seventh Heaven.

The night before it was Vincent's 'Birthday' (ok, he never told anyone his birthday so Dymond & Maggie gave him one) & everyone just got hammered so they all stayed there instead of attempting to head home. "What the hell...?" Reno groaned, rolling off the table & on to the floor.

"It's October 30th! Tomorrow's Halloween! Finally!" Dymond & Maggie chanted, running upstairs.

Tifa was already awake at the bar, trying to get her hearing back. "Let's hope I didn't go deaf," She grumbled, placing the glass she was washing down.

Zack was thrown down the stairs, landing in a heap at the bottom. "Ugh... OOF!" Cloud landed on top of him, "OW!" Yuffie landed on them, "AGH!" Aerith, "GAH!" lastly Rufus & Rude at the same time.

"We have to go shopping for costumes!" Maggie demanded, dragging Genesis & the remnants out of the closet they slept in.

"Why?!" Cloud asked harshly, not in the brightest mood since Dymond chucked him down the stairs.

"IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN!" The two walking apacolypses shouted, running around the bar area, nearly running over the few people downstairs.

"We heard you for the umpteenth time!" Tifa shouted back, obviously ready to jump on the girls like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

"Let them go nuts now, for tomorrow, we're all gonna die," Beth said, leaning against the counter with Rufus right next to her after managing to slither out from the dog-pile-on-Zack.

His hand was permenantly glued to his shotgun, ready to shoot the girls if they got any closer that would pop his personal space bubble. "Did you take your meds, blondie?" Dani asked, looking bored as Reno laid his head on her lap, attempting to go back to sleep.

"No..."

"MY TURN TO FORCE FEED HIM!" Jazzy laughed meniacally, jerking Cloud from the pile of half-asleep-men-&-women.

"NO! CLOUD DOESN'T WANT THE PILLS!"

Desi walked down the stairs & stepped directly on to the pile, making Zack groan in pain louder. "Oopsie...." She muttered.

"Desi! We're going shopping!" Maggie informed, still dragging Genesis & the remnants around.

Out of the 25 people in the room, which consisted of: Dymond, Desi, Maggie, Dani, Beth, Genesis, Yazoo, Loz, Kadaj, Rufus, Rude, Tseng, Reno, Elena, Vincent, Cid, Tifa, Aerith, Zack, Cloud, Marlene, Denzel, Barret, & Yuffie- 12 of them complained at the suggestion. "Oh shut up!" Yazoo shouted, being one of the people who _wanted_ to go shopping for costumes.

Cloud didn't really say anything since he was still drugged up on vicodin, which involved him having an overdose on it & more drugs were administered to beat down the vicodin overdosage. So, he was really loopy right now & it was Zack's turn to watch the druggy.

After multiple death threats, a broken nose & many pairs of handcuffs later (Loz supplied them... why did he have handcuffs in the first place?), the whole fucked up group of friends were at the mall in Midgar (a/n: does Midgar have a mall? ...now it does). The costumes were picked out & paid for.

Time skip! At the mall! (does Midgar have a mall? Hm.... Well, now it does!)

The whole mall was decked out in halloween decorations. Skeletons hung on the wall with orange lights & strange streamers. "Alright! Split up!" Maggie shouted, taking off with Genesis & the remnants in tow, "We'll meet back in the food court once we're finished!"

Yuffie took off by herself; Dymond & Zack; Aerith & Desi; Rufus & his turks; Jazzy & Cloud; Vincent & Jessi; Tifa by herself also & so on & so forth. "Dymond!" Reno called.

The girl spun around & her bright blue eyed gaze looked at the redhaired turk. "Yes?"

"Can you help me pick out a cute costume for Dani?"

"Hmmmm... Well, I do already have mine, so what the hell! Zack! Let's go, my prince of the darkness!" She chanted, hugging Zack's arm.

"You got your costume too?" Reno asked the ex-SOLDIER.

"Yep! I'm James Bond from Hell."

After many hours of searching for the 'perfect' costume for Dani, they met in the food court like planned

Zack = James Bond from hell (decided by Dymond)

Dymond = Grim Reaper (decided by Zack)

Maggie = Kitsune

Desi = Mermaid sorta thing

Beth = Rufus Shinra... She just stole his clothes.

Dani = Sophitia from Soul Blade (Reno... What are we gonna do with him)

Jesse = Kratos

Rude = Some guy from the Matrix

Loz = Clown... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (I have a fear of clowns)

Kadaj = Prince

Yazoo = Riku from Kingdom Hearts

Aerith = Dorothy from Wizard of Oz

Marlene = Kisa from Fruits Basket

Denzel = Kyo from Fruits Basket

Reno = Bones (Dani's idea)

Barret = Secret Service to 'Kisa'

Tseng = Roy Mustang from Full Metal Alchemist

Elena = Catwoman

Tifa = Naughty librarian... man she is desperate...

Yuffie = Mummy

Cid = Nothing... He was stubborn as hell & burned Kadaj's arm with the cigarette he was smoking.

Vincent = Teddy Bear (decided by Jesse)

Genesis = Some character from his play LOVELESS

Cloud = Kyoko cosplaying as Charden cosplaying as .

The night flew by & day came once again. Everyone in the bar was quickly setting up decorations & Dani, Beth, Dymond, Jesse, Maggie, Desi & Yuffie were in charge of setting up the Haunted House. Automatically, the fake blood stained the wall, since Tifa wouldn't allow them to use REAL blood for that would be sick & inhuman, plus it'd be a pain in the ass to get off the walls. Nighttime rolled in & everybody but Cid, who was unvoluntarily handing out candy, went trick or treating. "What house should we hit first?! The first house will predict the rest of the houses tonight! I propose we go to..." Maggie looked around, "THAT HOUSE!" Her finger pointed directly at a house with very few decorations but a huge group of people at the house, getting candy or whatever they're getting.

"Alright!" Yuffie cheered, darting up to get the sweets.

This is how it went the whole night. Picking houses, trading candy, Yuffie shouting that she was happier then a bird with a french fry, Cloud tripping over air, Zack carrying Dymond on his back since Cloud was passed on to Vincent (who just dropped him & kept walking), Tseng & Elena disappearing somewhere into the night time around 10 o'clock, Loz & Kadaj getting into a huge fight because Kadaj made fun of Loz's clown costume & made Dymond join in because she hates clowns. What it was about that particular group of friends is that life is NEVER boring! Something bad always happens! If something good happens, it's a frickin' miracle!


	7. Adventures of Maggie, Zack & a fridge

Dymond: Chapter 7!!!! WOOT! This is an idea I got from a girl on Quizilla. It was a Toshirou Hitsugaya one-shot, but it was brilliant! So, Maggie, Zack Fair, get ready for this little adventure, for it stars you two!

Reno: She is crazy

Dymond: Don't you mean psychotic?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Obey the Squigleys!)

Maggie scurried down the stairs as fast as she could at 1:35 am. She hopped off the third step and landed with a _thud_ on the wood floor, then darted into the kitchen, but stopped too fast and slid past the fridge. "Bad time to wear socks....," She mumbled.

She scrambled back infront of the fridge and flipped the door open, looking for something to eat. She reached her hand in to grab the milk. It's warm & she freaks. "TIFA JUST WENT SHOPPING THIS YESTERDAY!" It's true, Tifa had gone shopping for the food storage container had a sudden drop in food.

The day before, Maggie had spent HOURS dragging Dymond & Desi around looking for her favorite food, found it, and bought like 5 packages which drove the two insane from all the walking. "Zack!" She called upstairs.

"WHAT?!?!?" She heard his annoyed and tired voice call from his second-story room.

"Could you come down here for a minute? There's something weird happeningwith the fridge....."

He jumps down the stairs, in a white t-shirt and black sweatpants that hugged his form & could possibly cause Dymond to have a nosebleed. "Come here and look at the back of the fridge."

He stops infront of the fridge and looks at all of the food in normal order and pokes his head up to look in the freezer. "I don't see anything wrong." He states dully, obviously not interested & wanting to get back to his sleeping girlfriend upstairs.

"Look really closely at the back of the fridge!" He poked his head in and looked below the one shelf Tifa had placed in the fridge.

She slam the door shut, locking him in the fridge. Maggie scrambled to get a padlock before he can find a way to get out. "MUWAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed evilly as she snapped the lock closed.

He banged on the door from the inside of the fridge, she called to him, "You should be perfectly happy in the fridge."

She heard him yell something incomprehensible, and he started banging on the door again. She giggled and walked away feeling like she had just won the Nobel Peace prize.  
About an hour later, Dymond picked the padlock, and a frustrated Zack Fair fell out of the fridge. He bursted with anger, yelling insults rapidly at Maggie who had popped her head in the doorway. "SHUT UP!" She screeched.

"Are you out of your freaking mind?! I could have frozen to death in there!" He growled, ready to pounce her like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

"Thank you!" She said sweetly and skipped away.

A shocked, cold, and half-way suffocated Zack glared at Maggie as she trotted up the stairs. She merely giggled at him, smiling widely, waving her fingers at him before taking off running. He looked at her like she had a mental issue. Who knows... Maybe she does.... "Are you alright, Zack?" Dymond asked, trying to contain her laughter.

"No... I'm cold, half suffocated & being deprived of sleep at the moment. Let's just go back to bed. I'll get her back later," Zack stated, slinging his arm around her shoulders & attempting to warm up with her body heat.


	8. Prank Wars

Dymond: CHAPTER 8! I'm on a roll! Shinigami no Shinteki is still on going so is Crazy Note & PH3AR N00B 4L3R7! So, right now I'm on a skittle fetish, so the next couple of chapters I'll be obsessing over skittles & Zack seems to take advantage of that... I also learned how to play the guitar over the summer, so there will be a little of that. There is a special guests in here too!

Reno: *duct tapes Dymond's mouth* Just get typing...

Cloud: She does not own FFVII or her friends. If she did own FFVII then there would be more Reno bondage. Reno doesn't want to go through _that_ again.

Reno: *remembers & curls up in a ball* evil fangirls...

Dymond: mmphhh mmmm phuuummm!

Cloud: *takes off duct tape* what?  
Dymond: Does Jazzy have something to do with it?

Cloud: Yep. Reno annoyed her one day & she sent a swarm of fangirls after him after tying up Dani & throwing her in a dark walk-in closet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(squiggleys are my friends!)

What was it about girls (specifically 2 of them) that when they start pulling pranks then a whole prank war begins? Well, it started the night before when Maggie locked Zack in the fridge now Dymond was out for revenge. She did successfully get that exact revenge by handcuffing her to a port-a-potty at a concert & leaving her there with a sign above her head saying: Wild animal. Do not feed or set free until morning. That was the longest night of Maggie's life. That also egnited the flame of the prank war between the two. Maggie had gotten back at Dymond & now she was waiting in Maggie's room for said psycho to come inside. Unfortunately for her, Yazoo came in to get something for Maggs. The colorful enigma jumped on silverette's back knocking him to floor with a lamp raised set to knock out 'Maggie', but stopped seeing who it really was. "Yazoo? What are you doing in here?"  
"I could ask you the same thing?! Why do you have that lamp raised?!"

"I was going to knock out Maggie & get my revenge."

"What did she do to you?" He was almost scared to ask, but sadly, his mouth failed him & the question slipped out.

"Maggie attacked me, tied me up, took my skittles, ate them _right in front of my face_, made me unable to eat pickles again, and then she threw me in the pool!" Dymond explained, still not planning on getting off his back any time soon, "I was going to knock her out, dress her in a Micheal Jackson costume, handcuff her, and throw her into the boy's lockerroom! Then vengance would be mine!" Yazoo stared at the enigma for a moment; it sounds like Maggie almost killed Dymond and Dymond was going to drug her sister-like-best-friend.

"What kind of friends are you?" Yazoo finally asked, "Why would you do that to each other? And what did she do that made you unable to eat pickles... again?"

"Don't ask," she commanded, "Now I can't get my revenge!" Dymond started pouting, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Could you get off?"

She looked down at him before finally standing up & sitting on Maggie's bed, seeming deep in thought. Yazoo backed up to make a break for the door when a chair went flying past his head. "You, sit, now," She ordered, still deep in thought.

He sat on the foot of the bed, waiting for the girl to magically pull out her long sword from no where & stab him for no reason whatsoever. "You're going to help me prank Maggie!"

Well, _that_ certainly caught him off guard. "Wh-What?" He looked at her dumbfounded.

"You are going to help me prank Maggie," She repeated, this time emphasizing the words.

Yazoo now felt like a deer caught in headlights...

"I'm not liking this at all..." Yazoo complained as Dymond finished tying the last knot on the ropes that would bind him to the pole.

"Just shut up & stay still. When Maggie comes running to your rescue, then BAM! I got 'er!" She smirked evilly, before slithering away to hide somewhere the dried up leaves of fall crunching under her feet as she ran.

Just as planned, Maggie came running, but right in front of Yazoo, the ground seemed to give way & down she went into a huge hole of water. The leaves, twigs & stuff covered the water enough to make it look like the ground still. Dymond jumped out from behind a mail box & shouted, "YES! I got you! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She ran off to report to Dani of her success.

Dymond went to the vending machine about an hour later and pulled out her wallet. Wait, that wasn't her's...

"What're you doing with Cid's wallet?" Kadaj asked watching her carefully.

She turned around. "Oh, hey Kadaj! Cid burned my arm again so, since I'm still in my revenge-mode from Maggie, I'm getting revenge."

"What'd she do?"

"Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a single pickle since," she answered.

Kadaj saw her face and decided not to push the issue- she obviously didn't want to talk about it. "Oh, Kadaj, you want something? It's on Cid."

"No thanks," He walked away to go find Loz or something to entertain himself for about another 20 minutes before he had to go back to the Healin Lodge.

Dymond pulled out a dollar and turned to the machine, then gasped. No skittles? The bastards ate them all! She ran to the other machine, but that one was out also. She left the area, and Zack stood up from his hiding spot to follow her, laughing a little more when he realized all the skittles were gone.

"No!" Dymond gasped, kicking the machine, "No! No!" What was she going to do?

She couldn't make Cloud go find a supermarket- Cloud was always preoccupied & Jazzy would have bought her M&Ms instead of skittles & claiming they were the same thing. Cid would have dabbed out his cigerette on her arm again. Zack would take advantage of the skittle fetish of her's. Tifa would have thrown a glass at her head. Desi would ignore her. Aerith would stare at her funny. Barret would send a glare her way & threaten to shoot her. The Turks would always poke her forehead & tell her to get them herself, including Dani & Beth! Jessi would about to go get them for her, but Vincent would stop her reminding her of the last time she bought the hyper-active girl skittles. Loz wouldn't for reasons. Yazoo probably wouldn't talk to her again after tying him to a pole. Kadaj just left...

She slid down the machine sadly, looking at the other candy. She could get Starbursts, but they were nothing compared to Skittles. It was like watching Batman and Robininstead of The Dark Knight or going to see Seether live and ending up with a cheesy pop boy band like Nysnc instead- it wasn't the same. It was settling for less than the best, and Dymond was no settler.

Dymond heard a bag shake and, like a dog who just heard her kibble bag being shaken, she turned and ran on all fours to the sound, which was around the corner. She tackled the person and began jumping on them.

"Skittles! Skittles!" she yelped like a child.

"Ow! I knew you liked them, but I didn't know you were that nuts for them." The enigma looked down and saw Zack under her, looking confused as hell.

"Hi Zacky! Can I have the skittles?" She gave him the puppy dog pout before snatching the red bag from him & running off.

Word of the prank war had travelled to Reno, Dani, Elena, Beth, Desi, Aerith, Jesse, Kadaj, Genesis & Yuffie. This could get even worse when Reno knows how to make a cheese whiz can explode without dangerous explosives or flames. Genesis wanted nothing to do with it & went to go emerge himself in LOVELESS while the rest high-tailed it to their first victim.

Nine people huddled outside Rufus's office, snickering quietly amongst themselves. They looked on as Rufus began trying to squirt Cheese Whiz onto a cracker. Loz bit a whole clear through his tongue as he started to get frustrated with the fact that it wasn't working. "Damn it!" He exclaimed, trying harder.

"What's wrong, sir?" Tseng enquired, standing next to him at his desk.

"Something's wrong with the cheese whiz, I can't get it to work!"

"...Oh, I see what it is, there's a nail in the side of it. Try yanking it out, and then see if it works," he suggested.

Desi turned towards the other nine prankers. "Does a can of cheese whiz do the same thing that a can of shaving cream does when a nail has been driven into it, and someone's stupid enough to yank it out?" she questioned, an eyebrow raised.

The Turks & Yuffie shared a smirk. "Ten times worse," Beth answered, watching carefully at her boyfriend's fight with a nail before stepping out of the way.

There was the distinct sound of metal scraping metal, which signalled the nail had been yanked out. Two seconds later, there was the unmistakable sound of a small grade explosion, and a noise that sounded, well...squishy. Rufus's office, the occupants thereof, and part of the hallway, turned bright yellow.

They snuck a peak inside, to see 1 greenish & 1 orange looking figures, since Tseng had worn a black suit while Rufus still had his signature all white suit to work that day, sitting & standing in total shock, staring at the can of cheese whiz in disbelief.

"WHAT THE HELL?! TSENG, HOW COULD YOU?! HOW DARE YOU PULL SUCH A STUNT?!" Rufus snapped, cocking his shotgun ready to shoot Tseng.

"IT WASN'T ME, SIR, I SWEAR!" he cried, scrambling to get away from his range of fire.

"Something tells me we'd better get back to Seventh Heaven and get an alibi set up before they start planning retaliation," Kadaj stated, from where he and the others had hidden around the corner.

"Good plan, because you know they're not going to let this go unpunished!" Jesse agreed, bolting down the hall as quiet as possible.

Now Reno had the idea of getting his revenge on Cid for calling his helicopter a piece of trash that was scraped up from the dumpster.

Cid sighed as he got out of the shower. There was nothing like the feeling he had after a nice hot shower after working on his ship for a few hours. Reaching into his bag, he felt around for his pants, only to find them missing. What he found in their place however, was the infuriating part.

His pants--his favorite pair no less--had been replaced with a pair of tights, hot pink with silver sparkles and purple butterflies. He held them up to the light, staring at them in disbelief. Who could do such a horrible thing?!

He lowered them, taking time to glance into the mirror--to find that he was blue. Not sad blue. Not pastel blue. His skin was toilet bowl blue. His eyes narrowed, and he began to growl deep in his throat.

Oh, somebody was going to pay DEARLY for this.

Elena stood outside the room, his fist halfway down his throat, trying to stifle his maniacal laughter as the others held on to each for support otherwise they would have fell to the floor laughing.

Word was caught by Dymond about the group joining the war & she decided for the hell of it, she'd get Cloud. ...This could be VERY bad...

Cloud stepped into the garage just off of Seventh Heaven, smiling in relief-- He had finally escaped the bar where the prank war was currently going on. Tifa wasn't going to be very happy after that huge group was done, but at least he wasn't going to be a potential target if he's outside of a 100 yard radius. His smile turned to a smirk as he spotted his sword perched on a rack. He reached for the handle, so as to pick it up and give a couple good slices. When he went to put it back on the rack, he found he couldn't let go. "What the--I CAN'T LET IT GO!"

He'd failed to notice the superglue on the hilt that hadn't finished setting yet.

Then it hit him. There was only one person in the company with the balls to do something so heinous. Or rather, one without balls physically. "DYMOND! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'll BE A RAINBOW PANCAKE!"

He growled as he heard the tell tale cackling from said future 'Rainbow Pancake' just down the hall. Maggie & Dymond called a truce & met up with the large group of fellow prankers, deciding to ally & prank their friends. Their base was the shed outside which was used for weapon storage, but useful for this type of situation.

"...Hey, when did Rainbow Bright take off?" Dani asked, glancing around the shed for Dymond.

Said girl reappeared moments later, hiding behind the door, and holding a bundle of clothing.

Dani raised an eyebrow, before going to the door and looking out. A very familiar shriek greeted her ears. Moments later, their new neighbor Patrick, dressed in nothing but a black thong, came running past. He was being chased by another figure, wearing only a bow tie, sneakers, and a neon green thong. David (gay friend of mine. He scares away all of the guys he hits on) was carrying a boom box with him, pleading with Patrick to wait for him.

"Dymie...that was classic!" Dani laughed, slapping her lightly on the shoulder.

"Yeah I know. Wait'll you see what else Beth did to Tifa."

Tifa came running past shouting a whole string of curses as her hair was falling out. "Maggie must have put Nair in her shampoo, didn't she?" Jesse guessed, falling over laughing.

Maggie sauntered into the shed & answered, "Yep!"

Blue Cid also came running by screaming that he was going to find whoever turned his skin blue. Cloud also came running past screamed 'GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!' Cheesey Rufus & Tseng also ran by chasing Cloud, thinking he did it. "Wow, you guys are good," Dymond commented, trying to not throw up a lung when she starts laughing so hard.


	9. Strip Poker & Remembering

Dymond: I know I've like fallen off the face of the earth with my fanfiction, but I've been plotting how to get away with murder... Whatever!

Reno: You fail.  
Dymond: Shut up! And that's my line!

Dani: -Smack- Get on with it!

Dymond: FINE! None of the FFVII characters are mine & neither are my friends for that would be weird & kinky. Still learning to play guitar! WOOT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Obey the squiggly!)

"WOOO!!!" Jessi cheered, extremely drunk off her rocker. Dani sighed & smacked her forehead because Vincent was in the same condition. How the hell that happened, know one knows. They think Jessi had something to do with it, especially with that funnel...

"Daddy? Are you okay?" Dymond questioned from her boyfriend's lap to the girl on the floor. (She's Kratos, I'm Lloyd. Lloyd & Kratos are father & son so yeah...). She was holding Kadaj on a leash in one hand. Yeah, there was a bet that Jessi, Dymond & Maggie could multitask better then the remnants & they remnants lost, so Kadaj is now owned by Dymond, Loz is owned by Jessi & Yazoo is owned by Maggie.

"PWEETY FISHIES! LET'S PLAY STRIP POKER!!!" She squealed, falling backwards.

"I'm not complaining to that!" Reno announced, jumping off his bar stool.

"You just want an excuse to see Dani strip!" Maggie shouted, braiding Yazoo's hair.

"Maybe, maybe not, that is for me to know & for you to find out!" He laughed, hugging Dani from behind.

She looked at him over her shoulder & went back to figuring out the word search.  
"Strip poker!" Jessi shouted again from her position on the floor.

The next 10 minutes were completely a blur to them, they were all suddenly seated at a table playing strip poker & Beth was kicking all of their asses. Dymond was the one with the least amount of clothing because she really sucks at poker (I do suck at poker! I've lost to my toes one time.). Followed by Zack, Maggie, Jazzy, Reno, Vincent, Cloud, Jessi, Tifa, Yuffie, Genesis & Dani. "Full House!" Zack shouted, placing down his cards.

"Royal Flush," Beth smirked, laying down her cards.

"FUCK!!" Everyone cussed, losing another article of clothing.

"I'm done! I'm not stripping anymore!" Dymond shouted, throwing down her cards & collecting her clothes & walking upstairs.

"How come you're not fully stripped?" Reno asked Dani with a suspicious look.

"Because, I've won a few rounds, too!"

After a while, Zack quit, followed by Maggie, Jazzy, Tifa & Cloud. That left Reno, Genesis, Vincent, Jessi, Yuffie, Beth & Dani left standing. Dani was getting ready to quit because Reno was suffering from blood loss every time she stripped. Beth was still kicking their asses. "How the fuck do you keep winning, yo!" Reno shouted, getting frustrated that Beth won again.

"I've been playing with Rude, Tseng & Rufus. I think I know how to play!" Beth smirked, laying down another winning hand.

Everyone let out a groan & gave up. The game was now officially over, the winner: Beth! Everyone gathered in the bar again. "Man, remember that time when we stuffed Reno in the dumpster & cemented it shut?" Maggie asked, laughing at the memory.

"Oh yeah! Dani beat us afterward though to chisel him out," Dymond laughed, still slightly remembering the beatings Dani had delivered to the twin-based girls.

"Wait, remember when we all stole Rude's sunglasses & wore them around claiming we were Rude?" Jessi asked, placing a finger on her chin, trying to remember it fully.

"Oh yeah!" Jazzy quipped. "Rude nearly killed us for it though..."

Desi perked up with, "Hey remember when we all first met?"

Everyone went silent because how could anyone forget. Some wished they never did because of the sadness that came with it. Angeal's death, the fall of ShinRa, the loss of good friends (except Kunsel. Nobody likes Kunsel), everything under the sun was done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(SQUIGGLES!)

Dymond: Okay people. The next few chapters will be called Destruction in a Jar flashbacks. It's about how all this came to be. Yes I know I just sat in the library one day & decided to come up with this, but not that. How we met the FFVII characters & why Zack, Aerith, Genesis & the remnants are still alive. Many things go down, like: Me & Jessi having mental breakdowns, Dani first joining the Turks, how Beth met Rufus & so on & so forth. It will still be kinda funny but more depressing & such!


	10. Start of Flashbacks

_"We can't live like this anymore, Jessi!" Dymond shouted, throwing the door closed of their ratty apartment._

_"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Jessi asked, lying on the couch they found last week in the street._

_"SOLDIER."  
"They won't let girls in!" Jazzy argued, sitting in one of the wooden chairs stolen from the department store a couple blocks from there._

_"That's why we disguise ourselves as guys! Think for once," Dymond smacked Jazzy behind the head & sat on the table._

_"I don't think that-" ~CRACK~ Dymond was on the floor in seconds after the table broke in half. "-can hold your weight," Jessi finished trying to suppress her laughter._

_"See! What did I tell you?! We can't live like this anymore. That's why I've stolen scissors & hats!" She held up the items, giving Jazzy & Jessi an evil smirk._

_"I still don't like this," Jessi said, walking into the train station of Midgar. She was dressed in a baggy shirt that would hide her boobs for now & baggy jeans with a hat over her cropped hair. Dymond actually did a pretty good job making her look like a boy._

_Jazzy looked around as she stepped off the train. Her hair was cut off, too & a cap over it. Her baggy clothes were the same as Jessi's just different colors, except for the jeans. "I have a really good feeling about this! Don't worry!" Dymond reassured, running forward. She was dressed normally because her normal clothes include baggy articles. Her hair was already short & the hat over it was her exact normal look. They all could agree that their boobs hurt from the strap. "See, there are the 3rd Class SOLDIERs! They'll be showing us to evaluation. Oh, if anyone asks: You're James," She pointed to Jazzy, then to Jessi, "And you're Justin. I'm Dylan. Also," She deepened her voice, "Try to impersonate a guy's voice."_

_They both nodded & followed Dymond toward the 3rd Class SOLDIERs waiting for the possible new recruits. Entering the unknown building that only the 3rds knew of, everyone was either tense, scared, trying to remain calm or all of the above, except for Dymond... I mean Dylan. Dylan was nearly bouncing off the walls in excitement, but tried to remain as less feminine as possible, like making sure her boobs didn't bounce. Jazzy... I mean James grabbed Dylan's shoulders & kept her still as a few of the SOLDIER paced around the people, examining them all. "You!" One of them shouted, pointing at Justin, James & Dylan. "Why do you want to be in SOLDIER?" He asked, looking at them all._

_"For the heck of it," James answered & both Justin & Dylan smacked their foreheads._

_"Not good enough! What about you two?"_

_"To be able to protect others, sir!" Justin answered as best she could._

_"Hm... Not bad. What about you?"  
"To be a hero!" Dylan answered, flexing her arm._

_"Unattainable dreams are the best kind," he smirked under his helmet. Dylan made a face._

_"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, trying to refrain from socking him one in the jaw._

_"Just as I said: Unattainable dreams are the best kind," He repeated before moving on._

_"Jerk..." Dylan grumbled, glaring at the floor where he once stood._

_"Just drop it, Dylan," Justin ordered, following the group once again into the simulation area. All but 3 failed: The 3 being Dymond 'Dylan', Jazzy 'James' & Jessi 'Justin'. A 3 also withstood their Mako injections._

_Dani sprinted through the streets of the 7th Sector, running from infantrymen, hoping to escape. When the president wanted her since she was a criminal mastermind, she was the top priority to catch. She was smarter the Rufus Shinra himself & deadlier then the SOLDIER will ever be. Her gang had already been apprehended & killed on scene, leaving her alone. "Dammit`..." She cussed, looking around for something to hide in until the men ran by. Their head honcho, a Turk she guessed from the uniform was the only one who was keeping up with her. For someone of Wutai descent, he sure knew the slums & how to keep up with a criminal like her. She sharp turned down an alley, hoping to lose him, but he kept right up. At the end though, were more infantrymen. "Don't you know when to give up?!" She shouted, jumping up & spun around, kicking their heads in the temple & dropping them like lead weights._

_She started to sprint when the Turk grabbed the back of her shirt & knocked her to the floor. She sat like that for not even a split second, before rolling backwards so she balanced on her hands & kicked his face, making him let go. She jumped back to her feet & sprinted again, the Turk quickly catching up again. He jumped forward & locked his hands around her waist, causing them both to fall to the floor. She struggled against the bastard until she got a clear shot with her fist to his kidney. He loosened his grip from the blow & she slithered out & jumped to her feet again. Instead of running, she turned around & got into a defensive position. Infantrymen had surrounded her while she wrestled from the Turk's grasp. The Turk stood to his feet again, holding the general area of his kidney. "Give up, Danielle," He ordered, his brow knitting together in frustration at the strength of this girl._

_"Over my dead body I will!" Dani shouted, & sprinted toward him, fist poised to sock him a good one in the mouth. He ducked under, but he didn't expect her to bring her elbow back sharply & nail him the back of his brunette head._

_He spun around, holding in that blow & caught her in the back of her neck, knocking her out quickly. He adjusted his tie as one of the men asked if he was all right. He just nodded & pulled out his phone. "Sir, it's Tseng. I might have someone here who would be a perfect Turk. Yes.... Yes, I'll bring her in," Tseng hung up with the President & slung Dani over his shoulder._


	11. Meet Beth & Maggie Pure Chaos

_Rufus sighed as he paced the house in Junon, since his father placed him under house arrest for trying to have AVALANCHE kill him. Junon was almost boring, minusing the few assassination attempts that often come with him being there by the Wutai spies. What he didn't know, was that the ones he would get, were the leftovers from some unknown person killing the most of them. "Get down!" Someone shouted, pushing him to the floor as bullets broke through the window & implanted themselves in the wall. Rufus got to his knees & looked at his savior & saw a girl, which surprised him._

_"Who are you?" He asked.  
"My name is Beth. Beth Gavin & you are in danger... again!" She grabbed his wrist & pulled him through the manor, avoiding more bullets that came through. Rufus struggled to get his footing as she yanked him into a closet in hopes that the onslaught would stop._

_"Why are you helping me?"_

_"I've always been helping you. The spies that would successfully attack you would be the leftovers of what I would kill," She explained, peering out the crack in the door. He simply nodded in understanding & waited patiently for her to let them both out._

_"He disappeared!" The spies shouted in frustration. "He must have had an escape route or something!"_

_"Let's get out of here."_

_She looked back at him & nodded, signifying it's safe to go. "Thanks for everything," Rufus thanked, not knowing where that came from._

_"No prob!" She smiled, holding out her hand._

_"Do you... want to stay here for a while?" He asked, scratching the back of his head._

_"Sure!" Her smile got bigger._

_Rufus also smiled at his newly acquired friend._

_Dani sighed as she was tied to the chair in a room with a one-way mirror. Her day just went from bad to worse for now she was in the hands of the Turks. The redhead with her wasn't much of a talker, that or he was ordered __**not**__ to talk to her. This was probably the case, because he looked like a social butterfly. "So…" Dani muttered, trying to see if he would talk._

_"So, what?" He asked, looking at her._

_"Why am I tied to a chair?" She asked, giving him a stern look._

_"Shits-n-giggles," He answered. She just glared at him._

_"Now, I know it's not for 'shits-n-giggles'. You think I'm going to attack you," She smirked, feeling smart again._

_"You're right. We're waiting for Tsengy to get here with the Prez," He returned the smirk. Right then, the door opened & the Wutai man from before entered the room.  
"So, when's my execution?" Dani asked, trying to be a smartass & make her situation better._

_"You're not going to be executed, but rather, offered a deal."  
"Which would be?"_

_"Become a Turk," Tseng stated plainly, not asking, almost ordering.  
Dani balanced her options. Become a Turk & get a really good pay, or die. Yeah, let's die. Just kidding. "I'll join the Turks," She answered, giving them a smirk._

_"Do I seriously have to wear this?" She questioned, picking at her uniform._

_"Yep, but you don't have to wear it like Tsengy does! You can wear it like mine!" The man, she learned his name was Reno, explained enthusiastically._

_She looked at his attire, and then pulled her white shirt out of her pants, feeling that the most annoying thing of her wardrobe. She had tracked down her converse which she had threatened a chick with brunette curls (Cissnei). "Man, Tseng is going to blow a gasket, but whatever," Reno shrugged, patting Dani on the shoulder. He seemed have gotten over the fact that she was a criminal mastermind. Tseng entered the room & looked at her shoes, & looked like he was going to bitch her out, but one glare & he shut up. Tseng's phone suddenly started ringing & he answered, "Tseng... Yes sir... Right now? Alright," He hung up, "You're already assigned to a mission, Danielle."  
"You can call me Dani," She pointed out, walking out the door._

_"Wait!" Tseng shouted after her.  
She spun around. "What?"  
"You'll be going with a SOLDIER."_

_"WHAT?!"  
"I'm not that bad, I am?" The SOLDIER 3rd class she was partnered with asked._

_"Kind of. What's your name anyways?" Dani asked as they walked through Junon._

_"Uh... Dylan," The person answered, taking of 'his' helmet._

_"Now, another question. Who in their right mind would name a girl Dylan?" She asked, looking at the SOLDIER._

_"What?! How did...? When did...?" She stammered.  
"I'm a criminal mastermind, I should know & when I first saw you."_

_"You're good. Fine. Don't tell my superiors or anyone in that matter. My name's really Dymond. What's your name?" Dymond asked, picking up her pace to keep up with Dani's long strides._

_"Dani," She answered, smiling at the shorter girl/boy in disguise._

_"You'll keep it a secret right? The only way I could get into SOLDIER was to dress as a boy."  
"You're secrets safe with me. Don't worry," Dani reassured.  
There was an awkward silence. "So... You ever watch Sweeney Todd?" Dymond asked._

_Dani spun on her heel & stared right at Dymond. "You are my new best friend!" She announced, hugging the SOLDIER girl._

_"Yuffie? Are you sure this is a good idea? That's a SOLDIER & a Turk!" Maggie questioned, looking down at the two intruders to Junon._

_"Of course! You want to be a part of AVALANCHE, & then you have to take those guys out!" Yuffie instructed, pointing toward the two._

_"But I'm serious! Two against one & they're both highly skilled. I'm at a disadvantage here."  
Yuffie didn't respond to that, just pushed her over the edge of the building. "AH!!!! YUFFIE!" Maggie screamed, falling face first toward pavement._

_"Land on your feet!" Yuffie instructed again._

_Maggie moved in mid-air & landed on her feet, not in the best way, for she fell over anyways. "What the...?" One of her targets muttered. The taller brunette turned around, just as the shorter one did & looked at the ninja on the ground._

_"Are you serious?" The shorter one asked, "She's so adorable!" The shorter one ran over & picked up Maggie & hugged her tightly. Maggie was about as tall as the SOLDIER & she questioned why the SOLDIER had a squeaky voice. Didn't hit puberty or something? "Dani, can we keep her?"_

_-Stab- "OW!!!" The short man screamed, holding his shoulder. There was a blade imbedded in it for Maggie had stabbed the SOLDIER with a knife she kept in her sleeve._

_"Hey! That was uncalled for!" The Turk, Dani shouted, running at Maggie._

_"Dani, stop!"_

_"Dylan," Dani growled, using Dymond's fake name instead of her real one, "Are you nuts?!"_

_"I'm sure she meant well. Like that ninja at the top of the building influenced her to attack us," 'Dylan' explained, pointing upward._

"_Uh oh!" Yuffie's voice rang as she ran off._

_"Anyways, can she stay with you? I can't bring her into the SOLDIER barracks. It's against the rules. But I know Turks can have friends live with them!" Dylan pointed out, holding Maggie in front of her by the shoulders._

_"I'm not a pet!" Maggie growled, kicking Dylan in the shin._


	12. Training with the Seconds, Meet Desi

_Jessi sighed & walked along with Genesis. He was determined to take her to a LOVELESS play whether she liked it or not, so that's where they were heading. Thanks to Jazzy 'magically' producing tickets out her ass, she was forced to go with her mentor. God forbid it's a sappy, boring play, she'd get an ear full of lecture from Genesis for falling asleep during it or staring at the ceiling the whole time. If only Dymond was there, she'd blow the place sky high if it bored her. That's what happened to the park a couple of times. "Are you ready Justin?" Genesis asked, pulling her into the theater.  
"Let's get this over with…" She sighed & taking her seat._

_About 2 hours later, they both walked out with a ton of people. It wasn't as bad as she thought. "Wow, I wonder what 'The Gift of the Goddess' is…?" Jessi thought long & hard._

_"It's the missing portion of the play," Her mentor started to explain, "The final act is not complete."_

_"Why not?"  
"I theorize that the writer was one of the three friends & died before he could finish it, so no one knows," He had this airy voice to him as he spoke of the play._

_She looked up at him in amazement. There was no way this man was seriously a 1st class SOLDIER!! "Genesis!" Someone was a slightly deep voice called. It was Angeal & following him was his newest student Dylan. He kept Zack busy while Angeal relax the best he could._

_"Dylan!" Jessi called, waving at her friend._

_"Hey, Justin!" Dymond called back, waving ferociously back._

_Angeal just smiled at his student's enthusiasm. "Genesis, Lazard wants to see the 1st classes about their students," Angeal passed on the message. Yes, Jazzy 'James' was to be trained under Sephiroth for the time being. Not that Sephy didn't want to kill Jazzy right then & there because she would always try to braid his silver hair. Genesis nodded & turned to his student, "Alright, you get the rest of the day off unless Lazard says otherwise. Knock yourself out," Genesis waved a dismissing hand & Jessi ran forward, grabbing Dymond's wrist & pulled her toward the SOLDIER barracks._

_"Whoa, whoa! Justin, where's the fire?!" Dymond shouted in her guy voice because they were passing other employees._

_"I need to talk to you in my room!" Jessi answered, still pulling her, until they reached the door. Jessi shared the same room as Jazzy, while Dymond shared with the 2nd class SOLDIER Zack Fair. Not that she complained... "Alright, yesterday while you were out on your mission with the Turk, I also had a mission with a Turk. He was so... so... HOT!" Jessi sighed, falling on her bed._

"_Was his name Rude by any chance? Looks like a big bouncer?"_

_"Yeah! How did you know?"_

_"Dani, the Turk I went with, told me that the only other person who was with a SOLDIER that day was a guy named Rude."_

_"Oh… Anyways! How was your day today?" She asked, looking at Dymond as she leaned on the wall._

_"Ok I guess. Trained with Zack & Angeal, punched in Kunsel's face: He's stalking my Zacky…"  
"What was that?" The girl on the bed smirked, hearing the words 'my' & 'Zacky' in the same sentence._

_"N-Nothing!" Dymond blushed, turning her head away._

_"Suuuuuure…You have a crush on Zack Fair!" Jessi stated, pointing a finger at the short girl._

_"No! He's my partner! Not my crush!"_

_"I have a crush on Rude, if that makes you feel any better." Dymond just stared at her dumbfounded, & then opened the door to leave. "Where are you going?"  
"Out to find Kunsel."  
"Why?"  
"To beat the hell out of him. I know he's stalking Zack again…" She slammed the door shut in her intent of a killing spree, starting with her fellow 3rd class SOLDIER._

_Maggie followed Sephiroth around almost unwillingly, but seemed really mesmerized by his silver hair. Jazzy had the day off, so it was just her. She & Sephiroth had to go check on Rufus, who was under house arrest at the moment; so walking through Junon was like walking in a stack of hay trying to find the needle that is Rufus Shinra. Well, at least that's what Maggie thought, but Sephiroth was walking up to a large manor, which made her smack her forehead. Of course Rufus would be staying in a manor! Sephiroth opened the door without a care of knocking & walked inside, looking around for the 15-year-old Vice President. "Vice President Shinra," Sephiroth called slightly into the manor._

_That was a loud laugh & both fighters ran toward the sound, thinking they had found Rufus. What they found, though, was Rufus playing poker with a girl they haven't seen before. With the door slamming to the wall on the other side, both teens looked up sharply. "General Sephiroth? What are you doing here?" Rufus asked, standing up in respect for the general._

_"President Shinra sent me to check on you," He explained, eying the girl carefully._

_"Oh. Well, I'm fine. This is my friend Beth," He introduced, motioning a hand toward the mysterious girl. "She saved my life."_

_"Did she?" The silverette mused, still staring at Beth. She gave him a smirk & flipped him off._

_"Stare at a wall, not me!" She continued to smirk, her middle finger extended forward. Rufus nearly bust out laughing & finally set down his cards down, showing his winning hand & Beth let out a loud curse._

_Dymond sat with Jessi & Jazzy, watching Genesis & Angeal train Zack by sparring. Dymond was staring dreamily at Zack. "Earth to Dy," Jessi waved her hand in front of her face._

_"Sorry, Justin," She looked around & got close to Jessi's ear so no one would overhear them, "I may be playing the part of a guy, but I'm still a girl & Zack is hot! And the promotion that Lazard gave us gave me an even bigger boost to spending time with Zack. Now just to get Kunsel off his tail..."_

_"I can't complain with that," Jazzy commented, smirking along with Dymond._

_"How long do we have to keep up these charades?" Jessi asked, watching Genesis duck out of the way of Zack's blow._

_"Until we make 1st class. Then they can't complain. That girls totally topped their army. Besides, even if they did: They could use us for an advantage. The enemy would never expect a girl out there lopping off heads," Dymond pointed out, nearly fainting when Zack punched Genesis in the stomach, but nearly yelped when Genesis returned the blow & sent him flying into a tree. Jazzy just rolled her eyes. Zack was finally knocked down & Angeal called for Dymond to collect the 2nd Class SOLDIER. "What am I going to do with you, Zack," Dymond commented in her guy's voice, dragging the exhausted 2nd Class away._

_"Justin, you're up," Genesis ordered, waving her over._

_She nodded & jumped to her feet, running toward her commander & mentor. Angeal started off with the training with simple attacks to test her reaction time. Jazzy waited patiently for her turn as Dymond finished dragging Zack over to them. She sat down & placed Zack's head on her lap for a pillow. "You know, that could be depicted as you being gay," Jazzy pointed out, poking Dymond in the knee._

_"Actually, this is basic medics. Keep their head off the ground to reduce damage. Zack took a decent blow to the head for me to get away with this."_

_"True..."_

_"GAH!" Jessi shouted, falling on her back & curling up in a ball._

_"Justin!" Jazzy cried out, running toward her fallen friend._

_"Hold on, Justin!" Dymond called, setting Zack's head on the ground & bolting toward Jessi._

_Genesis & Angeal smirked, deciding to put 'Defend-Your-Fallen-Comrade' on the list of training. "You better keep him safe," Angeal spoke, swinging his sword down toward Jessi. Dymond yanked her military-issued sword out & placed her forearm on the flat of the blade. She jumped under the Buster Sword & took the force of it with her sword. Her blade's sides dug into her arm, cutting it slightly. She pushed off her knees & stood on her feet again, before slashing the sword away & slashing at Angeal. "James, keep Justin safe!" She ordered, charging the two 1st class SOLDIERs._

_Jazzy nodded & pulled out her gun, waiting to shoot Genesis or Angeal if they got any closer to Jessi. Zack stirred & sat up, looking around & noticing he was still outside & that his partner-in-crime was fighting against both Angeal & Genesis by 'himself'. "Dylan!" Zack called, rushing toward Dymond. He jumped behind her & blocked a stab from Genesis who was going to stab her through the back._

_Dymond's Mako enhanced eyes looked behind her at him & smiled, "Thanks Zack. I owe you one," She announced, ducking down & sweeping Angeal's feet from under him. She quickly stood over the fallen 1st class & pointed her sword at his throat. "I win," She smirked._

_Zack also had Genesis on the ground, his sword pressed up against the airy-commander's throat. "We win," He corrected._

_"Good job, Zack & Dylan," Angeal congratulated, getting to his feet after Dymond removed her sword from his throat._

_"Thanks, Angeal!" Zack said, throwing his arm around Dymond's neck & pulled her into a headlock, ruffling up her hair. She gave a sharp punch to his kidney, making him let go immediately._

_"Alright, trainings over. Go take the rest of the day off," Angeal ordered his two students._

_They both saluted shouting, "Yes, sir!" And both ran off._

_"So, what are you going to do today?" Zack asked, folding his hands behind his head._

_"I was going to head to the 7th sector Slums. See my old home & what might have become of it," Dymond answered truthfully, wanting to see what happened to it anyways._

_"You lived in the Slums?" He stared at her like she was lying._

_"Yeah. It was just me, Justin & James living in a small apartment. I had enough & decided we should try & get into SOLDIER, now: Here we are!" Dymond threw her hands up to exaggerate._

_"Wow. I just lived in a small town of Gongaga," He glared slightly when she laughed. "What's so funny?"  
"Sorry, but it's such a backwater name!" She continued to laugh, trying to maintain a guy's laugh instead of her normal laugh. Dymond said her goodbyes & darted toward the train to head to the 7th sector Slums._

_Desi moved around the Slums, looking for Aerith to actually fertilize the flowers in her church. She was just humming to herself as she looked for the fragrant young woman, but screamed when men, drunk off their freaking rocker, surrounded her. "Lookie here, boys. We got ourselves a gurl who's alone…" One of the guys slurred, reaching for her._

_"Leave me alone!" She screamed, darting down the street toward Aerith's church._

_Dymond's enhanced hearing picked up a loud scream & darted toward the shriek, not caring for her old apartment. When she spotted a blonde running toward the street trying to get away from drunk, perverted men, she jumped In between the men & the girl. "Hey, back off!" She shouted, grabbing the hilt of her sword._

_The men staggered a bit, realizing she was SOLDIER & ran around her. She growled & darted after them, tripping 3 of them & catching up to the girl. "C'mon! In here!" Dymond shouted, grabbing her hand & pulled her inside a church. She pushed Desi into the pews & stood, waiting for the men to show up to even try & claim their prize. "C'mon guys. You want her, you're gonna have to get through me," She chanted, smirking sadistically._

_When no one came, she stood straight up & turned toward Desi. "You alright?"  
"Yeah… Thank you," Desi said, standing up._

_"No problem. When I lived here, people were always disappearing & are found dead in the gutter. I've seen too much of it to let it happen again. You sure you're alright?"  
"Yeah. Can I at least get your name?" Desi asked, standing next to Dymond._

_"Dylan. 2nd Class Dylan," Dymond smiled at her newly acquired rank._

_"Tell me the truth."  
"What?"  
"That's not your name."  
"Alright. You caught me. But I'm not gonna tell you!" She smiled at the girl's smarts._


	13. Busted! Mako Injection for the Ninja!

_Later that night, Dymond, Jazzy & Jessi were in the two Js room, talking about something or another, when Angeal walked by. "Still, Dymond, this strap really hurts! We should just tell Lazard & maybe he'd understand?" Jessi suggested.  
'Dymond? Who's Dymond?' Angeal thought to himself, getting closer to the dog. "Lizard… I mean Lazard would just kick us out! Maybe even kill us because we know Shin-Ra's secrets! We can't just yet!" Dymond answered, "For now, Dylan, James & Justin are just going to have to stay as us."  
Angeal opened the door sharply. All 3 girls stopped suddenly, seeing as how there was nothing keeping their boobs flat. "Busted…" Jazzy muttered backing up to the wall.  
"You all are girls?" Angeal questioned carefully. They all nodded. "You deceived Shin-Ra?" They all shook their head no._

_"You see, sir, we just wanted to be a part of SOLDIER, & there were no girls allowed, so we dressed as guys to get in here," Jessi explained._

_"Wow, I did not see this coming," Angeal sighed, shaking his head & pacing the room._

_"Don't turn us in, Angeal!" Dymond pleaded._

_"Turn you in? I think Lazard would actually be amazed at this! Your skills at deception would be very useful," Angeal gave a soft smile of reassurance.  
"THANK YOU ANGEAL!" All the girls shrieked glomping the older male._

_Zack was suddenly behind Angeal staring wide-eyed at the girls. "Ugh great…" Jessi grumbled._

_"Dylan… You're a… a… girl?" He stammered, his eyes not leaving her boobs._

_"Stop staring & close your mouth, you'll catch a fly in there," He shut his mouth. "But, yeah. Dylan's a girl."_

_"Are you three really named Justin, James & Dylan?" Zack asked for both him & Angeal.  
"Nope! It's Jazzy, Jessi & Dymond," Jazzy announced pointing to each person as their name was said._

_Everything actually turned out all right. Dymond, Jazzy & Jessi were able to stay in SOLDIER. Zack had asked Dymond out & were currently dating. Maggie had come back from her mission with Sephiroth around this time & glomped Dymond when she found her a girl instead of a guy, since now all the girls were wearing tighter uniforms, then their old baggy ones. Rude got the guts to finally ask Jessi out & she squealed so loud Lazard could hear if from his office._

_Jazzy moved toward the infantryman room, ready to do a check on their progress. She just sighed. Both Dymond & Jessi had someone to love, why couldn't she? She opened the door & found the men cleaning, polishing & practicing with their weapons, ready to get on with the inspection. "LINE UP!" She ordered & within a second, the men were lined up.  
"So, you're all new right?"_

_"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" They chanted saluting her._

_"Take off your helmets. I wanna see your faces when you say that!" She ordered & quickly helmets were shed, revealing the faces of the men. She stopped immediately at a blonde spiky haired man. His blue eyes stared right back at her. "You. What's your name?" She asked, not removing her gaze._

_"Cloud, ma'am. Cloud Strife," He answered with a slightly tinge to his cheeks._

_"JAZZY!!!!!" A blurry figure shot out of nowhere & tackled Jazzy to the floor, making the infantryman gasp loudly at their fallen commander._

_"Dymond… Get off," Jazzy groaned, pushing her off, "What happened to make you do this? Did you see Zack without his shirt on because you see that everyday?"  
"NO! ANGEAL ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO BE ADOPTED BY HIM!!!!!" She squealed, hugging Jazzy tightly. "16 & I FINALLY HAVE A DAD AGAIN!" Dymond jumped up & down, hugging herself.  
"Congrats, Dy."  
"*GASP!* Must go find Dani!" She took off running again._

_"Dani? As in Danielle the Turk?" Cloud asked, helping Jazzy off the floor.  
"Yep. A lot of us made friends with the Turks," She explained, brushing off her pants._

_Afterwards, she asked Cloud if he was doing anything later that night & they had their first date that night. Jazzy was really annoying to her friends afterwards, because they had this weird feeling that sooner or later Cloud was going to do something that would ensure a death wish with the group. But not toward Jazzy, but someone else…_

_Today, Maggie had to get inspected by Hojo for her Mako injection, but she was really nervous. She wandered the halls a few hours before that injection aimlessly, until she ended up in the break area. Her SOLDIER friends & her Turk friends were all there, chatting amongst themselves about one thing or another. "Guys?" She questioned, biting her knuckle._

_They looked over at her since she interrupted their conversation over which was better: Pirates or Turks. "What's got you in a frenzy?" Reno questioned, slouching & using Dani as a backrest._

_"It's my injection. Jessi, Zack, Jazzy, Dymond: since you're part of SOLDIER, you all had to get the Mako injection right?" She asked._

_"Yeah. Normal reactions are that you pass out for 3 days, & then you're fine. Some of the other SOLDIERs couldn't handle it & were comatose for months, depending on who it is," Jazzy explained, earning a smack on the back of the head by Beth._

_"You don't tell her that! She's going to be getting that injection! Don't scare her!" She disciplined, smacking Jazzy again._

_"Hojo is kind of a psycho," Zack pointed out._

_"I say who cares? He's just another sadist with a god complex... like THAT'S something new!" Dymond rolled her eyes._

_"Look, you'll be fine. If you come back comatose, we're beating the hell out of Professor Whor- I mean Hojo. Besides, you're put inside a tank filled with this blue water so it's a lot safer," Jessi reassured, catching herself on their weird nickname for him._

_"Now, if only Sephy can realize that Hojo is really his dad," Dani sighed._

_"His dad hates him. Whatever. I could tell that my parents couldn't stand me. My bath toys were a toaster & a radio," Dymond chuckled, "Maybe that's why I'm fucked up in the head."_

_Maggie peered over at the clock on the wall & noticed it was time for her injection. "Aw man..." She groaned, turning around & making her way toward Professor Whore's... Hojo's lab. When she made it to the door, she immediately went through apologies so she wouldn't die with people hating her. Not that they would hear it... She opened the door & walked in, seeing Hojo preparing some needles & cords. Like Jessi said, there was a tank full of blue water. No turning back now, nuh uh. "Ah! Magdalena, nice of you to finally show up," When he spoke, it sent a shiver down her spine on uneasiness. Dymond was right: He did have that sadist-with-a-god-complex to him._

_"Uh... Yeah. What do I do?"_

_"Get in the tank. You'll be asleep in mere seconds," He explained, moving his hand toward the tank._

_Maggie did as she was told & completely blacked out..._

_"She alive?"  
"It was just a Mako injection! She's not gonna die." -SMACK -_

_Maggie opened her eyes & found herself on a metal table. "Wow, I think that was the quickest to wake up after a Mako injection," Jessi mused; trying to remember how long it took for her to wake up. Dymond said it was 4 days..._

_"How long was I out?" Maggie asked, sitting up._

_"Only 10 hours," Dymond answered. She kept track of everyone's wake up time after Hojo was through with him or her. "Better then me, Jazzy & Jessi. I was a week, Jessi was 4 days & Jazzy was a month."_

_"Get me outta here. Hojo scares me..."_

_"Yeah, that's the same reaction every SOLDIER had around Professor Whore," The shorter member of the group smirked, remembering when she punched in Hojo's face causing his bent nose._


	14. Mssing: Angeal & Genesis Angeal's death

_It was about a year later, when something happened. Genesis went missing, so did Angeal after Zack came back from his mission with Angeal & Lazard, leaving Dymond in a state of depression. For weeks now, Dymond had locked herself in her & Zack's room, not coming out for anything. Not even missions. Jazzy would take her place on those missions so that she didn't get in too much trouble with Lazard. They all had automatically started calling Beth 'The Prez' since she ruled Rufus with an iron fist. Rufus wasn't able to say no to her! They all knew he liked her, except for Beth. "Dymond?" Beth called, knocking on the door. No answer. "Okay! Dani, kick down the door!" She ordered, pointing at the menacing door._

_Dani gave it a sharp sidekick & the door was kicked off its hinges. Dymond was on the couch watching static on the TV. "Dymie?" Desi called. She also showed up when she heard Dymond was really depressed._

_"Damn, she doesn't look so good," Maggie commented when Dymond was completely unresponsive to anything they said._

_Zack just shook his head & entered their room & sat on the couch next to her & placed an arm around her shoulder. He pulled her over so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "Hey, I have a mission with Tseng to go over Banora Village to see if we can scrape anything up of Angeal & Genesis. I can ask if you can come, if you want," Zack suggested trying to get his girlfriend's perkiness back.  
She just nodded & continued being silent. Zack stood up & stood in front of the girls & Reno in the doorway. "I'm gonna go ask Lazard if she can come. If anything, I can just sneak her on board the helicopter. Can you guys stay with her until I get back?" They all nodded. "Thanks." He walked off to Lazard's office._

_They all filed into the room & sat on the couch, bed & floor. "Man, I don't get this," Reno complained, scratching the back of his head. "One second, Angeal is the loving father of Dy & the next: he's run off to Gaia-knows-where!"_

_"Reno!" Dani warned sharply, glaring at him._

_"It's the truth!"_

_"We don't really want to hear the truth right now!" Beth shouted, her arm across Dymond's shoulders, along with Jessi's._

_"But this is all wack, yo!" Reno tried to defend himself._

_Dymond continued to stay silent. Zack came back after about 10 minutes & told Dy to come along. That was when Dani, Jessi, Maggie & Reno refused to stay behind while their friend went through a mental breakdown. Zack just sighed & had a plan to sneak them on board the helicopter, but they'd all have to fit inside two trunks. "Tseng's gonna have my hide for this, but who cares!" Dani smirked, jumping to her feet & following Zack & Dymond. Jessi, Maggie & Reno followed close behind._

_On the helicopter, Dymond finally looked up from the floor & spoke, "Do you think dad is alright?"_

_They were shocked nonetheless that she finally spoke after 2 weeks. "Dy, I don't think Angel's alright. I think he's great! And we're going to give him a good beating for leaving us behind!" Dani reassured, patting her back. She basically spoke for all of them, because they had no idea of the outcome of Angeal._

_They arrived in Banora Village & Tseng was pissed to see that 4 other people had joined them on their mission, but soon was silent after Dani gave him her famous death glare. Dymond takes off running toward her 'grandma's' house, hoping that Angeal would be there. Tseng stays behind & examines a grave while the rest chase after the short being of wonder. When they reach the house (which wasn't really that hard to find since Dymond broke down the door), they found Gillian, Angeal's mother, hugging Dymond tightly as she finally had some form of emotion. She was sobbing. Zack was shocked, hell, everyone was shocked. "Gr-Grandma! Please tell me you've seen dad!" Dymond pleaded over & over again. Jessi rushed over & pulled her off Gillian & took her outside while Zack spoke with Angeal's mom._

"_Dymond! Calm down!" Jessi pleaded, hugging her to her chest._

_"It's not fair! I finally get a dad & he leaves me… again! I just want dad back…"  
"What happened to Dymond's real dad?" Dani asked, kneeling beside Jessi._

_"Dymond's real dad left her at a young again. She didn't know him for the first 5 years of her life, & then he just showed up one day & said, 'Hey, I'm your dad.' She had in for a total of 3 years & then he started leaving more & more often to be with this girl he met. Then, he just didn't come back at all on one visit to his girlfriend. Everyday, she'd wait by the window to see if he would come back, but he never did. Then, he sent a letter saying he didn't want her anymore. She's been secretly depressed after that, but when Angeal adopted her, her depression was finally gone. Now, he's gone & she's depressed again," Jessi explained, rocking the still sobbing Dymond back & forth._

_"Harsh…" Reno commented, rubbing the back of his neck again._

_"So, Angeal was the best thing that's happened to her, besides Zack asking her out," Maggie put together the pieces._

_Zack walked out the door & gestured for everyone to follow. Everyone follows, Dymond under Zack's arm to calm her. Dani, Maggie & Reno charge forward & easily take out the Genesis clones ahead, so Zack wouldn't have to do it._

_Zack breaks into the complex & they are cheerfully greeted by more Genesis Clones. Zack hands Dymond off to Tseng & tells everyone, to move ahead & he'll take care of the clones. Zack quickly finishes off the clones & joins back with the group. He found Tseng working on a computer, Dymond in the corner & the friends scattered around. Tseng tries accessing it to see if there's any information on it about the Genesis Copies._

_"Dani, this way," He moves his hand for her to follow & they both walk into the next room._

_After a few minutes, Tseng followed quickly after Zack & Dani. "Jessi? Reno? Maggie?" Dymond questioned, looking up. All quickly looked over at her. "Why did Angeal do this? Why did he leave?" She asked, like many times before. It was all questions about Angeal._

_Maggie just sighed & ran a hand through her short brown hair. "I don't know, Dy. I just… Don't know," She shook her head & bowed her head to avoid eye contact._

_"Angeal!" They heard Zack gasp & Dymond was on her feet in seconds._

_"Zack! Angeal!" She called, darting into the room. Jessi, Reno & Maggie looked at each other & bolted after her so she wouldn't get hurt. Dymond had disappeared. "Zack! Where did Dymond go?!" Reno demanded to know, grabbing Zack by his shirt._

_"I don't know! She grabbed on to Angeal's arm & then vanished with him out the back!"_

_With Dymond gone, the mission was called a failure. Zack moped around since his girlfriend was gone. Maggie almost went nuts with his pacing in the break area. It's been weeks & things have been just getting out of control. Yeah, Zack was promoted to 1st Class, but Dani & Reno were away from the group more & more thanks to Tseng sending her out on stupid goose chases. Jazzy & Jessi were also sent out a lot & Zack was left to hang. Maggie had gotten in contact with AVALANCHE secretly & they were using her as a spy now, but she felt guilty. She'd have to try & take down Shin-Ra, but that would include the friends she made. "Man, this is all just confusing..." She muttered, leaning against the wall across Dymond & Zack's room... well, was Dymond's, but not it's just Zack's & even then, he barely slept in there. He normally slept on the couch in Sephiroth's office from paperwork. She had just been staring at the door for about an hour now with her Mako infused eyes. She sighed again & stood up straight, planning to go find Sephiroth & train more. Not that it would help her get out of this gloom. Once again, a sigh escaped her lips & she walked down the hallway in route toward Sephy's office._

_Dani lay across the couch in the Turks quarters, staring at the ceiling. She heard a soft click of a door being opened & Rude entered the room with Reno & Cissnei on his tail. "Dymond & Angeal have been spotted in the area. Wanna come with?" Reno asked, staring at the girl on the couch._

_Dani was silent, which automatically meant 'No'. Rude jerked his head toward the door & the 3 left, leaving Dani to her thoughts again. She let out a deep sigh & sat up, placing elbow on her knee & the other resting on her upper leg. She shook her head & stood up, moving toward the sink to get a glass of water. Her throat was dry for some reason. "Dy..." She muttered after taking a few gulps. "First Genesis, then Angeal & now you. What's going on around here? Why is everything being thrown into a chaotic loop?" She slammed her palms on the counter. "Dammit all to hell!" (Lol, Damn you to straight hell! Rofl. You people wouldn't get it. Only Dani does.)_

"_Danielle, you must calm down," A voice spoke behind her. She spun around sharply & spotted her commander: Tseng. "As Dymond would say: Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity," He pointed out, quoting what the short enigma would always say._

_"You're really asking for a death wish," She growled, sitting on the counter & taking another gulp of her water._

_"Look, I miss Dymond just as much as you do, but we still have to work," He pointed out._

_"You don't miss Dy. She used to distract you while I set your ponytail on fire in hopes that you'd 'get that stick out of your ass'." He was silent. He simply turned & left the room after dropping a folder on the couch for her to look at._

_Desi paced the walkway of the church, trying to think as to why everyone was depressed. Zack had stopped by & sat in the middle of the walkway & just stared at the wall earlier in some sort of daze. He didn't respond to anyone's calls: Anyone's! Not even Jessi! His cell phone probably has about 32 messages on it from people trying to call him (most from Kunsel). Aerith just sighed as she tended to her flowers, getting slightly annoyed with her friends pacing. She, too, missed Zack's smiling face & couldn't help but crush on him, but she knew that he was with Dymond. "Aerith, what's going on with everyone? Zack's never been depressed until now!" She threw her hands up & sat on a pew._

_"Dymond's gone missing." That caught Desi off guard._

_"She didn't dissert, right?"_

_"They don't know. She just went after her father," Aerith started to explained, but trailed off._

_"Her father? You mean Angeal?" She nodded. "Oh, that makes sense."_

"Hey! I was not that bad!" Dymond complained, smacking Desi in the back of the head.

"Yes you were! You were horrible when Angeal went missing! You had us all in a frenzy trying to find you!" Desi argued.

"Can we just skip ahead to where you guys do find me & Angeal dies. Because I wanna be able to cry on Zack."  
"Fine. I'll tell it!" Dani offered.

_Zack stood over the fallen Angeal, his eyes threatening to release tears. His partner for this mission -Dani- groaned against the broken wall after taking a beating from Angeal's transformation. Dymond rushed forward & knelt beside her father, looking at his bruised & cut face. "Zack, you have my thanks," Angeal choked out, feeling his life drain away. "This... is for you," he, with what little strength he had, lifted the Buster Sword for Zack to grab. The younger dark-haired male gasped at the statement, staring at the sword._

_"Dad..." Dymond whimpered, gripping his shirt as if to hold on to the life her father still had left. Tears were flowing freely from her face. "Dad, don't go. Don't leave me alone," She pleaded, placing her face in his chest, trying to hear his quickly fading heartbeat. Zack was choking on sobs, trying not to feel weak in front of his, not only his mentor, but his friend. There was a time that he would have gladly wielded the Buster Sword, but under these circumstances, he wasn't sure if he wanted to wield it, or even touch it for that matter. After fighting an inner conflict, he reached out a grasped the hilt of the large broadsword. "Protect your honor... always," Angeal murmured, before looking down at Dymond. "Dy... I love you, so much. Thanks for giving me the experience of being a dad..." With that, his life slipped away. He closed his eyes & his head fell back in a sleep looking death. Zack collapsed to his knees, dropping the Buster Sword on the ground & broke down, just as Dymond started bawling, her knuckles turning white from gripping her father's shirt for dear life. When it started raining, both looked up toward the sky, seeing the dark clouds above._

_"Zack," Dymond whimpered, standing up with him. "The world just hates us."  
"I know."_


	15. Dani Reno Goodbye Zack

_Nobody knew how long it was after that. It took a while, but finally Zack & Dymond were back to their old selves, running around, causing trouble, having fun. "Hey, Tseng, you have that stick out of your ass yet?" Dymond asked, peering over his shoulder. Fooled him once, shame on him. Fooled him twice, shame on him. Fooled him about 13 more times, SHAME ON HIM!_

_He answered, "What?" without a seconds notice, his ponytail was on fire. He ran around the office, trying to put his ponytail out as Dymond & Dani bolted the scene, knowing the retaliation he could bring. Zack was laughing his ass off as Dymond came running into the break area screaming, "TSENG'S GONNA KILL ME! TSENG'S GONNA KILL ME!"_

_Dani looked over her shoulder to see Tseng running down the hallway after them. Jessi was gone. Where she was, you ask? Well, she was on a date with Rude! Jazzy was off with Cloud somewhere & Kunsel was in the infirmary... again. Dymond jumped into Zack's waiting arms & Reno grabbed Dani's shirt, pulling her into a protective hug as Tseng came running in & was greeted by Dani's gun being shoved into his face. "Touch her, I dare you," Reno threatened, having stolen the gun. Dani noticed & looked at her person, seeing the missing weapon._

_"When did…? How did…? What?" She stammered. "RENO!"_

_"Sorry, short notice. I only have an EMR on me," He shrugged._

_"Why are you holding me though?" He let go real quick._

_"No reason!" He argued, handing her back the gun._

_"Reno & Dani sitting in a tree! K.I.S.S.I.N.G!!" Dymond, Zack, Beth & Maggie chanted, trying not to bust a gut._

_"Hey, Reno, you look like you've been in a sauna. You're face is all red," Beth pointed out, snickering to herself._

_It was true: Reno was about that same color as his hair, making them laugh even more. Dani was almost the same exact color. That was when the Kill Joy: Lazard 'Lizard' Deusericus came into the room. "Dymond, Zack, you have a mission."  
"Awwwwwwww…" They both groaned standing up._

_"Later guys, we've got some big bad mission to take care of!" Dymond shouted, grabbing Zack's hand & running out the door._

_"Well, at least they're happy again," Beth commented, smiling to herself._

_"Yeah. That was a chaotic period in time," Reno sighed, lounging on the couch again. His head was swimming with thoughts of him & Dani though, instead of on Zack & Dymond. Man, Beth would have a field-day if she knew he was crushing on the female Turk._

_Maggie sighed & stood up, "Well, I'm going to hunt down Sephy & train. See you around!" She called, running away somewhere, which they guessed was toward Sephiroth's office._

"I constantly trained with Sephiroth? Wow, no wonder I'm kick ass!" Maggie smirked, slinging her arm around Dymond's neck.

"Yeah. You would disappear for hours on end & come back exhausted & battered, leaving me & take care of you," Jessi commented, before letting Dani get back to telling the story.

"Should we skip ahead a bit? All it is, is Dymond, Maggie & Zack causing trouble & pulling pranks on Lazard & more missions, chaos, panic & disorder-"  
"My work here is done!" Dymond chimed in.

"Okay…? Yeah, skip ahead," Beth ordered.

_Dymond, Maggie & Jazzy paced the break area waiting for Cloud, Zack & Sephiroth to return to the SOLDIER headquarters. It was supposed to be a simple mission: Check out the monsters roaming the Mako Reactor. Still no news of their friends. "Man, where are they?!" Jazzy cried out, sitting on the floor._

_"How should I know?!" Maggie shouted back, being on edge already as it is._

_"Guys, let's not kill each other yet. They'll be back. I know it," Dymond tried to play peacemaker, but failed ultimately when Jazzy & Maggie were quickly at each other's throats. She sighed & sat on one of the couches. "Zack… Come back soon," She begged Gaia, hoping Zack would just walk through the door & say 'I'm back!'_

_Reno walked into the area & was immediately jumped by Maggie & Jazzy with questions about Sephiroth & Cloud. "Whoa! Chill out! I don't know anything yet! They haven't reported back!" Reno tried to defend himself, backing up against the wall._

_"But you've gotta know, Reno! You're a Turk-"  
"It doesn't mean I know everything, Maggie! I just do my job-"_

_"Isn't that the story of a life-time," Dymond sighed, laying on the couch more._

_"Look, I'm trying to get some info but Tseng is keeping it on the down low. So, either you have nothing to worry about, or you can assume the worse, yo. But this is Zack & Sephiroth we're talking about. They're not gonna let a few monsters take them down," Reno tried to reassure them, but they just freaked out, making him smack his forehead._

_"I've been trying to tell them that for about 2 hours now," Dymond informed, standing next to the red haired Turk._

_"I'm guessing you were pacing too?"  
"Yes. Yes I was." That was when Tseng walked in, Dymond froze up. This could not be good._

_"I have news of the SOLDIERs sent to Nibelhime," He started off, his voice none too heart-warming. "Sephiroth went AWOL & went on a massacre of the town. Zack & the infantryman named Cloud Strife have gone missing & are presumed dead."  
Jazzy collapsed to the floor while Dymond stared in shock at the floor. "Zack's…dead?" She muttered, her limbs unable to move._

_"I'm afraid so," Tseng mused, averting his eyes from the SOLDIER 2nd classes. (Le gasp! NO!!!!!!)_

_"Tseng, you are so lucky Rufus won't let me kill you!" Maggie growled, giving him a death glare._

_The whole time before Reno showed up again, Jazzy & Dymond were moping around. Not again… Beth was getting pissed that Rufus would not tell her anything about Zack, Cloud & Sephiroth, but word finally leaked out about the destruction in Nibelhime. That came as a huge shocker that Sephy snapped & went on a killing spree. But what of Zack & Cloud? It took 4 years for that day to come…_

_"DYMOND! JAZZY! GET ON THE HELICOPTER!" Reno shouted, grabbing both girls' wrists._

_"WHOA! Reno! Where's the fire?!" Jazzy screeched, getting yanked & thrown into the helicopter. Rude & Jessi were already there waiting._

_"C'mon! We have to find Zack & Cloud before the Shin-Ra army does!" Jessi shouted, closing the door after Reno got in the pilot's seat._

_"Zack & Cloud are still alive?!" Jazzy shrieked, looking out the windshield._

_"Yes! Now sit your ass down!" Reno shouted, pushing her back into a seat._

_"Zack, hang on. We're coming," Dymond muttered, putting on a headset. Jessi put a hand on her shoulder & gave her a reassuring smile._

_"We'll get there before the army. We've got the best pilot around," Jessi reassured, giving Reno a thumbs up._

_"What's taking so long?!" Jazzy growled after about a half an hour in the air._

_"We're working as fast as we can here! It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack! Did you see the size of this place?!" Reno shouted back, giving her a death glare. "We have Cissnei-"  
"Cissnei? What did I tell you guys? Cissnei is useless! You should have had Dani out there-"  
"She is," Rude finally spoke._

_"She is? Well, that makes the search-"  
"I found Zack!" Dani's voice ran through the speakers._

_"What about Cloud?" Reno asked._

_"Couldn't find him. I think he went on ahead."_

_"Where are you?" Dani gave them the coordinates, but didn't sound too happy either. Reno directed the helicopter in the general direction & found Dani standing in the rain next to a fallen person. Dymond held her breath at the familiar face. Their pilot landed the vehicle & Dymond jumped out, running through the rain toward the figure on the group. She collapsed to her knees next to Zack Fair, who was non-moving & not breathing. His eyes were shut & he seemed like he was in a deep sleep covered in blood. "Zack..." She choked, "No... No..." She put her face in her hands & let out an ear-pitching scream. Dani knelt beside her friend & motioned for the group to go find Cloud. Jessi gave a sad look at her best friend Zack, before shutting the door & going on the hunt for Cloud._

_"Cloud, you better be alive," Jazzy pleaded, leaning against the door._

_Jessi stared at the floor of the helicopter as it took off, still not believing it: Zack was... dead. How could that happen? He was Zack Fair, 1st Class SOLDIER & boyfriend of her other best friend Dymond. What the hell is the world doing to the group of friends? They were getting picked off one by one. First Angeal, then Lazard, then Genesis, then Sephiroth & now... Zack. What the hell did they do to deserve this?! Don't answer that..._

And Flashbacks is done! All in all, I indulge in Necromancy & successfully bring Zack & Aerith back to life later on. Maggie vanishs into thin air & everyone else goes to 7th Heaven & lives there. Thank you for reading!!!!


	16. End of Flashbacks Party Time!

Dymond: And we're back & normal from Destruction in a Jar Flashbacks. That's over & now things are kinda clear!

Reno: Just get on with it!

Dymond: Fine! Party pooper…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(OBEY!!!)

Everyone seemed to mellow out since the flashback to that fateful period in time. But at least Zack was alive again. The Turks were even silent which annoyed Rufus, because normally he's woken up by Elena smacking Reno or something. That was when he made the decision. "We're going to have a party," He announced calmly to his Turks.

"Wha?" Reno questioned, not sure if he heard that right.  
"We're going to have a party," His boss repeated, flipping through sheets of paperwork.

"You're joking, right?" Dani asked, sitting down on the couch.

"I'm serious."

"Woo! A party! It's just what we need!" Elena shrieked, jumping up & down.

"Well, that's professional," Beth chuckled, sitting on the desk as usual.

"Reno, you & Dani can go down to Seventh Heaven & tell our friends of this. They should attend," Rufus ordered.

"Yes sir," He sighed, grabbing Dani's hand & pulling her out the door before she could protest.

"Dammit!" Maggie shouted, sitting on the ground. How it happened, no one will know, but Genesis & Zack had challenged Maggie & Dymond to a race & if the girls lost, then they'd have to do what the boys say for a week straight. Things got worse when Reno & Dani came running through the door.

"Rufus is having a party for everyone!" Reno announced.

"A party? For what?" Tifa asked, grabbing a glass & getting ready to chuck it at his head.

"No reason really. Just everyone has been down since the Flashbacks, so why not?"  
"Why not exactly?" Cloud asked, sitting next to Jazzy.

"Party?" Zack asked, having an evil glint in his eye as he looked back at Dymond.

Dymond looked over at Maggie & Genesis & the LOVELESS addict also had that evil glint. "Mags? Do you have this nagging feeling that that evil glint is for us?" Dymond asked, looking at her twin.

"Yeah. We should run now."

Zack & Genesis both grabbed Dymond & Maggie & said, "We're going dress shopping."  
Dymond squirmed more, trying to get away.

"NO!! NOT A DRESS!!!"

After that little episode: Genesis & Zack came back with dresses & after fighting with Dymond to even get the dress ON! "Let's go! Or we're leaving you behind!" Desi shouted, getting on Shera. Cid was grumbling about the tie Vincent made him wear, since it was formal. Everyone, except Cloud & Jazzy who were taking Fenrir, got on the ship & Cid took off, still complaining.

The night went on quickly & Reno suddenly had a brilliant idea that involved the two nightmares & duct tape. "Why is it that we always end up in situations like this?" Maggie asked, struggling to move her arms.

"I don't know, but at least you can move your legs," Dymond commented, rolling to her stomach.

"Captives can't talk!" Reno shouted, slapping tape on their mouths. Reno slammed the closet door shut & both girls looked at each other. It was at that moment that there was a silent agreement between the Ex-SOLDIER & the ninja that the red-haired Turk was not going to live long. Maggie moved over & placed her feet on Dymond's side & pushing her toward the wall so that she could get to her feet. After about five minutes, she was on her feet & Maggie & Dymond slammed their bodies into the door, trying to break it down… or at least hope that someone can hear them.

The door suddenly opened & Rude was standing there, taking impact from both girls. He caught them both & they looked up as his tall stature. Their muffled words basically told him to take the duct tape off. He did & Maggie asked, "Where is Reno?"

"Of course he is!" Dymond sighed, leaning over, because he was basically holding her up by her waist. "Can you at least get the duct tape off of us?"

He nodded & unwrapped them, but now their arms were sore from the tape being ripped off & their dresses were sticky. "Reno's a dead man," Maggie growled, making her way down the hall with Dymond close behind.

When the girls & Rude entered the room where the party was going on, they were immediately grabbed by Zack & Genesis. Zack pulled Dymond to the dance floor & Genesis pulled Maggie to the balcony. Reno sighed with relief at the girls being detained once again, but turned around & nearly bumped into 2 out of 3 remnants. "You hurt our masters," Kadaj smirked, drawing his sword. Yazoo pointed a gun at Reno's head. (Yes! Yazoo is owned by Maggie, I own Kadaj & Jessi owns Loz! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!! It was a bet in chapter 9; don't worry so now we own the remnants. Beat that fangirls! –Dodges shurikens-)

"Oh shit…" Reno cussed, turning on his heel & running to find Dani & hopefully get some protection from his girlfriend.

The night went on & Jessi & Rude had disappeared sometime during the night which could only mean one thing: Jessi & Rude were back together! They did break up for work reasons & were now back together again since the Turks & AVALANCHE were allies in this whole ordeal. "Anonymous Financer" my ass! Dymond & Zack had also vanished later on & so did Dani & Reno & Maggie & Genesis. This could get bad…


	17. Final Chapter! Goodbye!

Dymond: Alright faithful readers, guess what?! Destruction in a Jar is now over! But do not cry, there IS a sequel in progress, it is called Disaster in a Jar, but you won't be seeing much of me & my friends. Guess why?

Desi: Um.... I don't know actually.

Dymond: It's about our kids!!!!!!

Dani: KIDS?!

Maggie: Mine & Genesis's kids... Hm....

Dymond: Plus, a new friend will be inserted inside Disaster in a Jar. Her name is also Dani, but we call her DG or Namine. Be nice to her now. She is going to be with Vincent not only in dating, but also in the whole immortality thing he's got going on. Say hi DG!  
Dg: Umm... Hi?

Dymond: Ain't she cute?!

DG: ^-^

Jazzy: So it's seriously over?  
Dymond: Yes it is! No more Destruction in a Jar & that's for sure! Written in stone, solid, right on the mon-  
Reno: We get it!

Cloud: Seriously, can you just get working on the DIAJ?

Dymond: NOBODY ASKED YOU, CLOUD! Man! It's no wonder I hate you...

Cloud: What?  
Cloud's Fangirls: WHAT?!

Dymond: What? I just think Zack is better then Cloud.

Zack: Awe, thanks hunny! -glomps & kisses-

Zack Fangirls: -Death glares-

Dymond: SCREW YOU! He's mine! None of you even get his personality right! He's not perverted & jerky! He's a hopeless flirt & kind!

Zack: I got you didn't I?  
Dymond: True...

Jessi: Man, I'm gonna miss this story... Oh well! Also, check out my self insert called Finding Fantasy. Dymond loves it.

Dymond: YES I DO!!!!!

Shannon: What am I doing here?  
Dymond: that's a good question. What ARE you doing here? Oh! Everyone this is my cousin Shannon & his wife Julie!

Shannon & Julie: Hi...?

Dymond: Buh bye!  
Loz: -sobs on Jessi-

Dymond: Don't cry, Loz.


	18. Deleted Scenes 1

Dymond: Man, as much as I hate to say this (not really) but I can't leave Destruction in a Jar alone! I have to write more to make me satisfied. So, I decided with the help of friends who want something of theirs in it: Destruction Deleted Scenes! Those pesky time-skips & how things went down! Co-writers are: Respect the Hobos, Vampy Proxy, yaoilovinXKitsune. More co-authors soon!

Maggie: This is going to be awesome! *jumps up & down like a jumping bean*

Dymond: *joins in*

Dani: She just can't leave Destruction alone, can she?

Dymond: No I can't! It's my baby! My pride & joy! My-

Reno: We get it! Face it: You can't stop writing for me!

Dymond: Actually I can't stop writing it because I was working on it for so _long_ that I'd feel tortured if I had to leave it alone!

Jessi: I feel the same way.

Dymond: Just so you know… this will be out of order, since I'm typing this at school & they blocked (*glares at Maggie*) so, I'm going off memory & I don't have my flash-drive to look at the originals since I forgot it at home so… yeah. So I'm royally screwed when it comes to order of things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(I luv you squiggles. Don't ever leave!)

Deleted scene 1: Vincent's B-Day party.

"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!" Everyone shouted as Vincent, completely hammered off his ass, drank from the beer bong.

Yes: It was Valentine's B-day… or his 'You-won't-tell-us-your-birthday-so-we're-gonna-give-you-one' B-Day. Maggie was pissed that he wouldn't tell her, so together with Dymond they decided the day before Halloween would be the day.

Unfortunately, they didn't think that Vincent would actually drink! Jessi was involved & so was tequila.

Deleted Scene 2: Rufus & Beth get together

Beth was humming to herself as she wrote something on paper. Rufus, finally taking not of the humming, looked over & saw that she had a finger on her nose giving her this adorable look. After a while, he just couldn't resist himself. He had to ask why she had her finger on her nose. "Hey, Beth?"  
She looked up at him, making him blush slightly at how cute she was. "Yes?"  
"Why do you have a finger on your nose?"

"Because." Rufus sighed & walked over to her.

"Remove your finger," he ordered. She removed it & looked at him curiously, but then got a peck on the lips, making her turn bright red. "Wanna go for dinner tonight?" He asked, giving her a slight smirk. She merely nodded her head. He held out her hand & she grabbed it, getting pulled to her feet & they walked out the door, heading for a fairly nice restaurant in Junon.

Deleted scene 3: The reason Cloud went into surgery.

"Uh… Tifa? Where are Dymond & Maggie?" Cloud asked, looking around at the group of friends, minusing the 2 he mentioned.

"I don't know. They ran out the door earlier shouting something about sabotage," She reported, putting a glass in the cabinet.

His mind automatically went to Fenrir who was still outside. 'Sabotage Fenrir!' He could hear the girls shouting as they went with whatever tools of destruction they were going to use on his bike. He darted out the door before he could hear Cid say that what he was doing was a bad idea. He made his way to his garage just as an explosion went off behind him. He was sent flying into the garage door & he slumped to the floor. "You think he's dead?" He heard one of the two girls ask.

"No, he's still breathing, his leg may be dead."

"We should get him to the hospital…"  
He heard the other sigh, but suggested, "Let's go see what happened to Rufus' limo first. That was a bit too close too."  
"I already checked. It's still in one piece."  
"Okay. Let's get Tifa."

Deleted Scene 4: After Maggie's Mako injection

The group of friends entered the lab & immediately all shivered at the feeling of the room. Hojo was not their favorite person, nor will he ever be. The psycho had done horrible things to SOLDIER members before, who knows what he would do to the Wutai ninja. "Maggie?" Jazzy called, looking around.

"Hey, there she is!" Jessi shouted running toward the tank. "She got the injection & is sleeping like a baby!"  
"Remember when we were in there?" Dymond asked, looking at Jazzy & Jessi.

"Yeah. Not fun waking up to that though," Jazzy shivered, placing her hand on the glass.

Maggie shifted in the water. "We should get her out of there. She's waking up soon," Hojo said, making them jump & some scream.  
"Professor Whore! Don't sneak up on us like that!" Dymond shouted, decking him in the arm.

"Stop calling me that profound name," He ordered in his chilling tone.

"You know what: Bite me!" She growled, ready to deck him again.

"My, you're smelling minty fresh today." Dymond froze & bolted the scene, running for the nearest bathroom.

Dani grabbed his collar & demanded, "What did you do?!"

"It was an experiment with a pill that would enhance the abilities of SOLDIER. She as assigned the mission & after she took the pill, she ran away to find mouth wash because she said it tasted like crap," He explained calmly, not caring that she had a hand on her gun & a finger on the trigger.

Maggie was released from the glass container & placed on a metal table to wake up. "You may stay with her if you like, but don't touch anything in the lab," Hojo ordered, walking away & out of the room, passing Dymond as she walking back it. She had a towel over her head & she was giggling & hiccupping, "Hehe… who turned out the lights…"

Deleted Scene 5: Kunsel's excessive stalking

Dymond dragged Dani down the hallway, giggling as they ducked into the break room. Lazard stopped midsentence and turned to look at his subordinate. Tseng coughed into his fist as he realized who it was and Zack grinned flirtatiously. "Sorry, Lizard!" Dymond cried.

"Sorry, sir," Dani added, more politely. She added a salute for good measure. Within a moment, they were gone again. Lazard looked back to the duo he was addressing. "As I was saying.... Zack?"

The slightly dreamy smile on Zack's face faded as he realized he was being addressed. "So, if I have to have a Turk on this mission, why can't I take Dani?"

"You have a bit of a reputation with women, Zack," Lazard pointed out placidly.

"Ew!" Zack exclaimed. "She's my girlfriend's friend! That's just weird! Besides, she's taken! Even I have boundaries!"

Tseng's eyebrows lowered in curiosity. "Really, by who?"

"You should know," Zack offered. "That red-head Turk."

Suddenly, Dymond burst through the door and whacked him. "You weren't supposed to say anything!" she shouted.

Zack rubbed his arm where she had punched him, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, Dy."

"You better be!" Dymond pointed to the door. "Look! She's blushing!"

This was, for the most part, due to Tseng's gaze on her. The awkwardness was broken by Zack's PHS ringing. Zack answered it, spoke briefly and announced. "I'm meeting Kunsel."

"Then we're coming with you!" Dymond declared, lacing her arm through his. "We can't leave you with that creep for long."

Deleted Scene 6: Missions suck

"Tseng, have you seen Dymond?" Zack asked as Cissnei ran off.

"She and Dani are...around." They way he said it gave Zack the impression that he had ceased to care, that any attempt to care, even if he wanted to, only led to complete and utter exhaustion. "I think Jesse and Maggie are with them."

An explosion somewhere on Loveless Avenue caught their attention and they turned to see four people, one tall one in a blue suit and three shorter ones in various states of dress, dash around the corner. The tall one was coughing and yelling incomprehensibly as the others tumbled from the smoke.

"RUUUUUUUUUN!" the short one with the pink-streaked hair and SOLDIER uniform shouted, barreling toward Zack and Tseng, whose eyes widened in horror. Behind them, a robot mech stumbled across the pavement, one leg broken and laser tail arched and aimed in their direction. Dymond dived behind Zack just as it shot its laser at them, sending them all flying.

Zack ran forward, leapt through the air, and came down, striking at the robot. The mech shuddered, fell to the ground and died with a sizeable jolt of electricity. Zack slung his sword onto his back and stood over it triumphantly. "That wasn't so hard," he said smugly.

"Zacky!" Dymond squeed, glomping him. (A/N: such technical language...)

Dani and Jesse sighed and shared a relieved glance. "What the hell were you thinking?!" Maggie cried, brandishing her pen like a knife.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!" Dymond defended.

"Famous last words," Tseng sighed. "I have work to be doing. And you do, too," he reminded them gently.


End file.
